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2 Bumps

Is my SO looking for a mommy replacement??

My SO is 30 years old and has a learning disability. He has a hard time doing simple tasks-looking up a number in a phone book is almost impossible for him. Keeping a schedule for his appointments, etc is difficult as well. He still at home with his elderly mom, and while he's there to help her (she had medical issues), she tends to baby him. She does his laundry, keeps his schedule for him, cooks, cleans, etc. He is an only child.

Well, SO and I have a 2 year old daughter, and we have been talking about getting living together. But I'm worried that he'll expect me to do for him what his mom does! I can't. I have a hard enough time taking care of my 2 year old and myself, much less a grown man. I don't mind HELPING out, but I would expect him to occasionally do dishes, laundry, help with the baby (yes I still call her my baby!), etc.

Do you think this could work out? I'm not in the mood to play "mommy".


Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Jul. 7, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It doesn't sound like he's LOOKING for a "mommy replacement" but knowing that he has a learning disability, it's going to take some understanding on YOUR part, and possibly coaching him along. If he's not used to doing these things on his own, it's probably gonna take some time to teach him how to do it. Can he read and understand written instructions (I hope that doesn't come off rude, I mean no offense by it)? If so you could write up a simple instruction sheet on how to do laundry, or the dishes. Get 'em laminated so they're not easily destroyed and he can have them when needed. It sounds like his mom is certainly not bettering his disability, but you could make all the difference because he is your SO and you obviously love him (not saying his mom doesn't, but hopefully you understand what I mean). I really wish you luck! I bet your DD would love to have her daddy at home!

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 9:06 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like a bad idea all around.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:01 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • I would probably sit down with him and simply ask what he plans to do around the house to help. I would also try to find out what his plans are for his mom. I told my DH from the very beginning that his parents were NEVER moving in with us, for any reason.

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 9:05 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • I think you should have him spend a couple of nights w/you... That will be the best test i think. I'm with you though, you don't need a 30 yr old toddler

    Answer by believejohn316 at 9:09 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • Run Run for the hills! He will not adjust well to you not playing mommy for him. I've seen it happen. My neighbor just divorced her husband due to pretty much what your talking about. Her now ex couldn't read at all. She did everything. She did all the bills, cooked all the meals, cleaned everything, she did EVERYTHING! She got tired of it. Not only that but she was expected to do everything but had to pay for everything for herself. For example they went out to McDonalds and he made her pay for her own meal. Sick stuff I tell you. Crazy. You don't want to live like that. The woman was miserable!

    Answer by babyfat5 at 9:05 PM on Jul. 7, 2010

  • well you know he has a learning disablity, if you are not going to have patience with him then i dont think its going to work. he has depended on his mother for 30 yrs, its not going to stop overnight. i agree with pp, start by having sleepovers a few nights a week

    Answer by 3xangel at 1:22 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You better just forget about it and advertise for a roommate. That way, you can make all the rules.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:05 PM on Jul. 8, 2010