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What should I do about my son?

My son is 18 years old, just graduated from high school at the top of his class, has a job for the summer, and is headed off for a top university at the end of the summer. I've always known him to be rational and intelligent. About a year ago I found out he was smoking pot and I told him he had to stop and he said ok. A few days ago I walked into his room and it smelled like weed so i confronted him. He denied everything, but I am certain it is marijuana. He is a great kid and I am conflicted as to what to do, I am unconfortable about allowing illegal substances in my house, but also I am worried that if i come down on him at home he will take more risks by smoking in less secure places and risk getting arrested. Some advice would be very helpful.

Answer Question

Asked by elizJ at 12:35 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (67 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • i have that problem with my 24 year old and I can't seem to get it through his head I know pot isn't that bad but think of it this way its like putting money in the middle of the floor and just setting it on fire. it does absolutely nothing. Do some researc and shw him thepositves and the negatives. But one thing you have to remember it could be worse. I know you may not see it that way but really he has his stuff together many kids don't at his age. good luck

    Answer by dynameteduck at 12:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • He graduated top of his class, has a summer job and is headed to a top university in the fall... I don't see the problem. He is obviously not abusing pot. I would tell him it is not allowed in your house and leave it at that.
    He is an adult now, so it is his choice.

    BTW... I am not a pot smoker or even a person that thinks smoking it all the time is cool. But he is a responsible young person and should be treated that way.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • and welcome to our site you will find this is a great site.

    Answer by dynameteduck at 12:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Honey, at his age there isn't much you CAN do, besides kicking him out. Maybe just find some brochures and videos on the effects of pot...

    Answer by renea20 at 12:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • This is a tough one, the same way that you don't want to allow him to do it at home, you also cannot enable him. He's got a great future ahead of him it sounds like, he is an adult, he is living in your home, you may have to re-state your rules at home and if he cannot abide by your rules than he may need to be on his own and face up the consequences for his actions. I know as a mom this reality may be hard but it may be what you need to do.


    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:40 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • First off, I hate drugs so I know that I would probably fly off the handle.

    Unfortunately he is an adult now, if he is living in your house I would NEVER allow that, but it is both his business if he smokes it outside of your house and it is his consequences if he gets caught and throws his perfect path out of the window. I would explain that he can not do that in your house, but if he really wants to throw away everything that he worked so hard for then by all means smoke it up. I would be pissed....

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 12:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I'm not really sure what you could do as far as him smoking pot, but you certainly can ban it from your house.

    Answer by Erin814 at 12:42 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I am a smoker. I had ADHD as a kid so I still can lose focus. I focus better after smoking. I had back surgery and pills were ineffective with bad side effects. I can move freely and be comfortable in my body after I smoke. These is truths for many, but not all. He graduated top of class and is heading to university after working a job. I'd guess he smoked the whole time since you busted him last year and was better about concealing it. Even if you disagree with me on this, he is an adult but can choose to live elsewhere if he can follow house rules of not smoking. But I'm sure he's still going to smoke elsewhere.

    Answer by silversmom at 12:48 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • So i went up to my son and said, *name*, I know that you are smoking pot" and he said, "Mom, I am going to sleep, all I am going to say right now is Carl Sagan. Good night" So he has work in the morning so I decided not to talk about it now, but does anyone know who Carl Sagan is?

    Comment by elizJ (original poster) at 1:08 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • "Carl Edward Sagan (November 9, 1934 – December 20, 1996) was an American astronomer, astrophysicist, author, cosmologist, and highly successful popularizer of astronomy, astrophysics and other natural sciences. During his lifetime, he published more than 600 scientific papers and popular articles and was author, co-author, or editor of more than 20 books. In his works, he advocated skeptical inquiry and the scientific method. He pioneered exobiology and promoted the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI).

    This is what your son was talking about...

    "Sagan was a user and advocate of marijuana. Under the pseudonym "Mr. X", he contributed an essay about smoking cannabis to the 1971 book Marihuana Reconsidered.[43][44] The essay explained that marijuana use had helped to inspire some of Sagan's works and enhance sensual and intellectual experiences. After Sagan's death

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

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