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Is there any hope? So angry, frustrated, sad...

I am sick to my stomach thinking about all the women I know in my life and on CM and in the news, etc... that have been sexually assaulted,harassed, molested, and abused. I think the statistics say one in three girls will have this happen to them in their life, but from what I have seen and heard, it must be more. SO I ASK IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, WHAT CAN WE DO? I have two girls and the thought of someone hurting them... I hate that I take so many precautions and then come to read another post or talk to another friend that was harmed and I feel helpless all over again. SO LET'S SHARE SOME IDEAS!! Personal changes in our lives or global ones... what can we do to protect ourselves, our family members and friends, and our children from all of the monsters out there??????

Answer Question
 
toolmommy

Asked by toolmommy at 1:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Here's my thoughts, as a person who was abused, who has been a peer counselor for other abused girls, and as a mom with both a ds and a dd, and a person who as spent a LOT of time over the decades researching this, going to community meetings, talking to experts, etc, so that I could protect my kids.

    1) Be involved in their lives - know who they're with, who's going to be there, etc, and don't be afraid to "be the bad guy" if you don't feel comfortable with them going, don't let them.

    2) Refuse to be embarrassed about sex, body parts, etc. Kids CAN and DO pick up on it. When we lived in WA, there was a sex offender that moved into our neighborhood (a very nice area, btw - that's not a "protection"). The cop who did the neighborhood meeting was explaining that one of the best defenses you can have is to teach your kids the PROPER (as opposed to "cute" or "pet: names) for their body parts.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:49 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • cont

    It's a vagina, it's a penis, etc. He said that using pet names teaches kids that it's ok for other people to use them, and for them to make up private code names. He told us about a girl who kept telling people about "petting the kitty" with her sitters bf. It was weeks before someone asked what kind of kitty, and found out he was molesting her.... He had a lot of other reasons why this helps prevent sex abuse, too (PM me if you want me to tell you the rest of them.)

    3) Teach good and bad touching - if it's covered by your underwear / bathing suit, NOBODY needs to touch you there, and you don't need to touch them. No matter what they say - and you should tell Mommy right away if they want to - no matter what.

    4) That it's OK to not want to hug or kiss someone - even if it's innocent. It's good for them to learn they control their bodies and who is allowed in their space, and you will recognize that right.

    gl!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:54 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Oh, I forgot - also, that there is NO shame in being an abuse or rape victim. By allowing ourselves to be made to feel ashamed or dirty, or that it's our fault, or anything like that, then we allow the environment of abuse - in our homes and in our society - to continue.

    We (people who have been victims of sex crimes) are not the ones at fault, and we have nothing to be ashamed of.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:58 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Its disturbing i agree, but all we can really do about it is pray about it, and it might help if us women began to respect our bodies and cover up a bit more. Might not be a popular answer but its true anyway. In no way am I saying its the ladies fault, but it doesn't help the situation to pass by an unstable man controlled by lust or no concence nearly nude. Men are very visual and not all are stable mentally. It wont help in all cases, sometimes its just going to happen unfortunately. But prayer and multiple prayers of people joing together in one mind and one accord works wonders. Worry and fear will help nothing though. I'm willing to join together with you in prayer on this topic, I'm also one of those whom has been sexually abused as a teen, and it was very difficult for me when I got married at first. But God helped me through. Any one else pray with me?
    ChristianMamaO3

    Answer by ChristianMamaO3 at 2:00 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Lots of good ideas here. Let's keep them coming!
    I am just holding out that we can do better for ourselves. I just never want to think that I have to accept that I can expect one or both of my girls will be victims in their lives.

    toolmommy

    Comment by toolmommy (original poster) at 2:08 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think the best way to avoid this is to always be involved in their lives, know who they are with and where they go, and make sure that all night affairs are supervised by you. After they become young adults, try to do the same without being a mother hen.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:49 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

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