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How to nicely say I need a break

My husband is accusing me of not wanting to spend time with him. I work full time, ride horses in the evening, take care of our son when I get home and by then Im spent. I just want to relax, just 5 minutes. He however sits in front of the tv, wont touch the kid, I have to beg for a bottle and then he wants me to talk to him as Im closing my eyes, we do talk during the day to each other. He's works on a farm and summer is busy but I am just tired of fighting late at night and it seems like he just decided that bedtime is the time to start fights. So sick of it. HELP


Asked by browningmom at 3:09 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • When I'm not in the mood to argue I say "I hope you have fun arguing with yourself, I'll TALK to you about this when I have energy."

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Why don't you bring it up during the day so it can be addressed properly? It sounds like he just wants his wife. Be thankful that he loves you like that. Maybe sit down in the light of day to hear him out. Marriage is about taking care of the other person. He needs something from you. Someday kids will be gone and you will be too old to ride and farm. But it will be you looking at him. Will you wish you had rode more or loved him more?

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:23 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Sounds like you have little time for your husband, and that is probably the problem. Husbands need attention from their wives. He should be your top priority, and if he's not being that, he knows it. Most men find the only acceptable emotion to be anger. Everything else is "sissy." So hurt, disappointment, neglect, loneliness, disrespect all manifest as anger. Your husband is trying to tell you something, so it might do you well to set aside some time to listen to him.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:28 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • So riding horses in the evening is more important than spending quality time with him? I'm not bashing. I'm making a point. People find time to do what's important to them. I'm sure he's seeing that everything is more important to you than him. You don't need a break. You need to learn to prioritize after you decide what's important

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:42 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You need to talk this over. He needs to love his child. You need to find time for him. Compromise, compromise. If you want everything to work out forever talk this over. Get counseling if you both cannot agree on a solution. best wishes

    Answer by elizabr at 9:24 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Give up the horses for awhile! When my SO and I are having problems, our priority is to fix our relationship, meaning all extra activiteis go out the window until we fix it. Riding horses is NOT more important than your marriage. I can kind of understand why he may be rubbed the wrong way and feel like you don't want to be around him. Him not wanting to help with your child - Who watches the child while your riding horses all night? Honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you put too much attention into your marriage or your child.

    JMO - GL

    Answer by allfiller at 11:49 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • ok lets try it this way. My kids is at my parents, I go there right after work, feed him dinner and then ride for an hour. My husband doesnt get home until 8pm we are already home at this point and time. He would rather be in front of the tv when he gets home, thats my point. I have tried talking to him when he gets home but he says he wants to watch tv first. By the time he's done with tv, Im in bed and it 10-11pm. Im not ready or willing to argue at that point and time. We went to counseling for a year and a half.

    Comment by browningmom (original poster) at 4:59 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Kid, typo. We only have the one. And ladies I dont ride every night. And I dont ride when he home on sunday, but he is still wanting to sit on the couch and watch tv. I have no problem with him relaxing, but Im tired of him not wanting to do anything with me and our son. I feel like getting rid of the idoit box.

    Comment by browningmom (original poster) at 5:05 PM on Jul. 8, 2010