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How to be supportive of your spouses hobby/career choice when you dont agree?!?

my hubby and i have been together for 4 years, and he has worked hard at his job and is now sick of it and wants to get out, but doesnt want to quit. so he has been spending more and more time recording music which is his passion an favorite past time. only now he is more and more interested in making music a career, doing shows, recording songs late a night in the studio with friends, and the more he hates his job, the more he wants to be a musician. i thought it was just a fun thing for him to do, but now hes always talking about getting serious with his music, and that is NOT what i want. i dont want to be home all day and night while he is out recording music and doing shows, especially when it doesnt make any money and can interfere with his job. he thinks im trying to stand in his way and im not supporting him bc i dont think he should try to make a career out of music. what do you all think?

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Asked by secondtyme520 at 9:10 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,344 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I feel everyone should follow their passion BUT it needs to be done with family support. The music business is such a tough one to be successful at. You both need to reach some sort of compromise. He needs to work while pursuing his music. He can't give up an income before he sees what might develop from the music. He'd have to have some money coming in on a regular basis from the music before he could give up his other job. Good luck.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:16 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • We are all in debt now, and it's a fantasy to believe that only that would suffice his livelyhood. leave him a note someplace and say it's me or the music, and leave the house a mess and see if he can afford a maid., ha ha! And it's his problem then.

    Answer by coffeeyum at 9:27 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • My DH is a musician. We have a band, play out a few weekends a month. Aside from the band, he has jam sessions doing other genres of music, and practices just about every night. All of our kids are into music as well, it's just part of our family. That being said - it's a hobby for us. He doesn't have any designs on making it big, or being a professional musician. He earns money with his day job, the "music money" does toward band equipment. You need to talk to your DH, make sure he doesn't quit his regular job until he is making enough money from music to replace the income he'd lose. Support his music, It's likely a big part of him - but make sure you are open with him about your (and your kids) needs) as well. There is a compromise in there, you're just going to have to work with him to find it.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:31 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think you should support him in this fantasy. He's been working at a job to make a livelihood for you, the least you could do is support him. Although I think until he was actually making money at it, he should keep his day job. Maybe go out and see him perform once in a while. It's his passion, not yours, but as his other half, you shouldn't stop him, just try to keep him grounded in reality.

    Answer by Flippindadaisie at 9:33 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • thanks. im trying to be as supportive as i can. i only work 2 nights a week and stay home with the kids so that he may have free time at home and be able to relax and what not, and i told him that he could go record his music 1 or 2 nights a week but he always comes in at 4 am or later and its always with his screwy friends. i also compromised and told him that he could use part of your income taxes next year to buy himself the recording equipment so that he could record at home instead. but he is under the impression that he is going to make it big! and while i think he is talented, even if he made it big i made it clear thats not the lifestyle that i want. i want my man home with me, not out on the road for months at a time. he just wants big money at a job he thinks is fun...well wouldnt we all!

    Comment by secondtyme520 (original poster) at 9:37 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • It doesn't matter if it is what you want or not. This is what makes him happy, it is his passion. You should be happy that he has a passion and is willing to work hard for it. You just have to let him know that it will not get in the way of his work OR his family. That as long as he does it he will still make a hard effort for both important things in his life. You don't have to agree with his music career, you don't have to like it, but it makes him happy. This is a harmless venture. It would be different if he were a drug addict or if he were out doing drive by's. Get involved in his music. Take the kids to the studio and listen to his music. Give feedback and see what you can do to help him succeed as an artist. Being a wife means support your spouse's dreams. This is his dream. You would want the same support from him even if he didn't agree.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:46 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Just go with him. If this is something he is good at, he will succeed, maybe even be a star. You would want to be a part of that. If he's not good enough to make it to the big time, then he will have tried and failed, and he will need your support and encouragement that he gave it his best shot. I would encourage him to keep his day job while he pursues his interest. But I would tag along and be a part of it, success or failure.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:08 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Well here is your biggest problem...even if he was responsible and kept his job and paid the bills and somehow managed to make it big in music...then what? You said this is not the life you want....does he hear you when you tell him this? If he does make it big...odds are against him, then what? Do you leave?

    Answer by salexander at 11:03 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I support my husband in everything because I consider our marriage to be a holy thing and I follow what the bible says about marriage:
    Ephesians 5:22-24:Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

    Also consider how you would feel, wouldnt you want his support? He is still a person even though he is your husband.

    Answer by amber710 at 11:17 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

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