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Gifts from dad...

I was talking to my neighbor and she was telling me about all of the problems she's having with her boys and how she couldn't control their behavior. I told her to start taking stuff away, they have video games and cell phones, it would all be gone. She said she can't take it away because it's stuff that their dad gave them (shes' a single mom) so it is THEIR stuff, not hers. I don't think it should matter. It's in her house, they're her kids, if they're being terrors then stuffs getting taken away. I suggested then packing it all up and sending it back to daddy so they can have it there. Should the kids HAVE to have this stuff just because their dad bought it for them? How do you other moms deal with this kind of thing?

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jedwards2009

Asked by jedwards2009 at 10:39 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,282 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I agree with you, take it away. It might be from the dad, but she's the one raising them (well I assume) the majority of the time. They need to learn that there are consequences to misbehaving.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 10:42 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • No they shouldn't. When my husband buys stuff for my SS's it stay at our house. If their mother wants them to have something then she needs to buy it for them to keep at her house. However since they take it home to her house then she is able to take it from them. It shouldn't matter who bought it for them, if they're acting up they lose privileges.....end of story.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 10:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I agree with you. She's the one dealing with it she has control over it, not the kids. My kids have stuff that has been gifts from all sorts of people (some that live here with us and some that don't). They don't behave then I take it all. Some of it I have even gotten rid of because they don't need it.
    I like the idea of boxing it all up and sending it back to dad for him to deal with. That's something I would do.
    We actually have something like that going on. My dad (who we live with) got my oldest dd a ds for her bday 3 years ago. It is kept in my room and I only allow her to play it when I think she deserves it. Just because it's hers doesn't mean she has control over it. It's an expensive toy and a brain sucker (she would sit for 12 hours straight playing it if I let her). I also make her share it with her siblings.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • No, they don't have to have it! I have explained to my son ever since me and his Dad split, that there are rules and consequences in my home. If they are not the same at his Dad's I am sorry. When he is with me, I can and will take anything I feel like I need to as a punishment. With me, if he messes up and loses say a game, and his Dad bought it. I will put it up while he is with me, give it to him when he goes to Dad's, and tell him it is up to his Dad what goes on in his home. Then I text his Dad and tell him he was grounded from this game while he was with me. He is not allowed to play it at my house until ________. Please keep it at your house until then.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 10:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Absolutely not! The kids should not have the stuff because their dad bought it for them. When they are under her roof, her rules apply. I would take away what is most important to them (i.e. cell phone, video games, etc.) until they earned them back. I would also let the dad know what I was doing and why. If he interferes, then I would package the stuff and send it back to him.
    Jakesmom623

    Answer by Jakesmom623 at 10:43 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • If its under my roof, its mine! Regardless of who actually paid for it. The kids are mine which makes their things mine. Tell her "Don't complain about your kids behavior when your encouraging it!"

    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • if they're acting up they lose privileges.. it does not matter who paid for it ..
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 10:53 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • If it's in her house, then she has control of it. Whether she bought it or her ex bought it, if the children are misbehaving they lose the responsibility of having "things"
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:03 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I agree!! The bad behavior is happening in HER house so the punishment gets doled out there too. It doesn't matter who gave the items to the kids.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:23 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

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