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9 year old girl being sexaul

My 9 year old daughter was caught with a 5 year old little boy at daycare messing around (sharing touches) with eath other, she is forming boobs and pubic hair. I punished her and talked to her, she has not been touched by anyone and i know this for a fact i have did my research with her about this, so with all this said has anyone else had this problem and how do i deal with it?

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Asked by jenny.jourdan at 11:02 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 6 (105 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Don't punish her. Inform her..let her know about the birds and the bees since she is curious and starting to develop. Punishing her can have a negative effect. But, empowering her can be good. Give her the knowledge of privacy and not to violate others and waiting until she is older.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:08 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I can remember a lot of parents telling the same stories. It's actually very common. With how fast everything is moving these days, all the kids have to do is to turn on the television set and see tons of stuff that they shouldn't be seeing. Open a magazine and see what they show. Kids are catching on early. I wouldn't make her feel ashamed or anything. I would just explain to her why this is inappropriate and what is right and what is wrong. It's important to have these talks with children, not just once, but often. You never know what they've seen or heard from other kids as well. Keep your ears and eyes open to everything and just make sure you are there in case she has any questions, keep the lines of communication very open, so to speak. It's not her fault Mom, and it doesn't mean she was touched or anything like that. It's a fact of life that we all have to deal with.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:10 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I agree, YOU have very clearly gone on too long without talking to her about sex. YOU need to talk to her and explain sex, and everything that comes along with it, to her. YOU need to explain that these areas of her body are private, as are those on other children, and need not be shared with each other. She is curious, that is fine and dandy, and totally normal, but I can't believe at 9 she doesn't realize touching a five year old boy or having him touch her is ok.

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 11:10 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I've not had this problem but I was this girl. In my case I was sexually molested by a babysitter at 5, my parents didn't know whenever they asked questions about things like this I never told the truth (not saying your daughter is lying, but children don't always open up due to embarassment or guilt). Children about this age also start to get curious I had a little girl do the same thing to my son when he was 5. We discussed it and I explained appropriate touching, why that kind of touching is not okay. If it was the other way around in my son's case, I wouldn't yell or make him feel embarassed and ashamed for what happened, but we'd have the same conversation and also talk about his body changes and feelings he may start to get about girls. Its also not uncommon for children to realize touching their own body feels good, compound that with puberty and curiousity and you have a lot of discussions that need to be had.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:15 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You punished her for doing something normal? Not sure that was the way to go. I would have just talked with her about what she's going through and that it's not appropriate to touch others in a sexual way.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:41 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • She needs to have the talk, her hormones are probably out of wack, punishing is not a good way to go here.

    Answer by older at 11:44 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • We have talk about sex last year and right and wrong she kissed a boy last summer and we went though all detail about everything

    Comment by jenny.jourdan (original poster) at 11:45 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think its important to talk about sex and relationships on a regular basis, based on the above not sure if this is an ongoing topic with your daughter, constant communication is key. Also keep in mind that while she should have known right from wrong, its hard to really know what she has heard from older friends or children or family and asking her after punishing her - she may not be willing to open up about sex. Also feelings are powerful motivators, what was she feeling? Talking about feelings and providing examples of your life experience and asking how she would handle those personal situations, will help form opinions and guide her to make good decisions as she gets older. Talking about sex goes far behind the realm of the basic, how sex impacts your self esteem, how it makes you seen by others, how it impacts relationship all of those things are important for a child to be able to rationalize and make decisions.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Ok if I should not punish her then i already told her she is grounded and took everything away from her this happened yesterday so how do i unpunish her without her thinking that she can get away with anything and mommy dont stick to her punishments.

    Comment by jenny.jourdan (original poster) at 12:37 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • If it was me, I would sit down my daughter or son, and explain to them that I was very upset with their behavior and shocked causing me to react too quickly not thinking everything through to decide what was appropriate. That being a parent is hard sometimes we don't know the right thing to do and then rediscuss the situation with her, don't let her think what she did was completely ok and you don't have to go back entirely on your punshiment. You could tell her given her behavior you're having a hard time trusting her to do the right thing, and she will continue to be grounded (no friends) until xx time, giving her time to think about her actions and you to regain the trust you lost. If it was me I would also tell her that I want to start having mommy and daughter time once a week to spend time talking about girl stuff...then plan an afternoon or evening to do something fun each week and engage in these discussions.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:05 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

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