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Has this happened to you personally?

Has anyone ever gotten a divorce after they were cheated on the then after a while found another person to love and married them? How long did it take you to move on from being cheated on previously? Did it work out better the second time around? If it didnt't happen to you then maybe your spouses/SOs or friends?

I am asking this because I have never been married, but my SO has. He caught his ex-wife cheating when he came home from work sick one day. She has been a real bitch when it comes to seeing his daughter, although he pays his child support, so I know he still has a lot of issues. But at the same stand point we have been together for almost 5 years and we have an 18 month old son together. I love him dearly and want to marry him. But he still has a lot of reservations about marriage, even after all this time. I think that he feels like he failed at the first one, so why would he want to do it again?

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Cappy1979

Asked by Cappy1979 at 11:29 AM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • He's judging you by her behavior. That's just wrong. You get over cheating and move on. He may be using it as an excuse. I'd call him on it. Tell him what you want and the consequence of not getting it. Since you are giving him all that a marriage would, you may have to make some changes in that. If you don't, he'll keep this up forever. Tell him to crap or get off the pot
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:32 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think that it just depends on the person. My husband was married and his ex cheated on him. He knows that I'm nothing like her and trusts me and I trust him. Have you tried talking to him about it? It sounds like he's being really hard on himself over it. I've been cheated on in the past, but not when I was married. It had a heavy impact on my self-esteem and it took me a long time to learn how to fully trust. He'll come around when he's ready hun. GL
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:34 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I am in a pretty similar situation to you. My SO wasn't married, but was in a very long term relationship with a gal (they were together for eight years). He did everything for her, wanted to get married and have kids, wanted to be with her forever, etc. etc. and she cheated on him. After she cheated on him he stayed with her! Then (I'm sure because she was guilty) she constantly asked him if he was with someone else, and one night she went to his apartment at like 3 am, because he wasnt answering his phone, went into his room and socked him in the face. That was it, he told her to get out and he put a restraining order on her. We started dating about two years later and its been more than three years since then (and a two year old), and he still isn't ready to get married. I think a lot of it is he put so much time and effort into his last relationship and it failed, he doesn't want that to happen again. So, I feel for you!
    FatGirl239

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 11:37 AM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • My husband's last 2 wives were cheaters and his daughters mother was very hard on him about visits and such...when he met me it took him awhile to come around and realize i do not cheat. he would jump to conclusions like one weekend he went away and I bought a 6 pack of beer, 4 were left when he got back, he felt the beer was another mans and that we each had 1. I had to be open minded and put myself in his shoes....it had taken a few years but all I had to do was tell him over and over where I stand morally, that I would never ever cheat because I would have to live with the guilt forever. So after 7 yrs I have seen why he gets cheated on...I know exactly why his last wives cheated...
    It takes alot of work to build trust even if you know you can be trusted he doesn't. All you can do is prove over and over things will be fine. If he is worth the trouble and you love him it will work out with alot of work on both ends.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 1:21 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • my husband didn't catch his ex, but he was cheated on. it took a long time for him to realize that I wasn't her.
    all too often if something didn't work out just like I'd planned he would accuse me of being dishonest about my plans, therefore I must be hiding other things, therefor, I must be cheating!
    I believe they are called 'jack tales' when you create a senario in your head.

    my hubby came around- ironically when I pointed out to him that I'd been cheated on as well. and sometimes if we are with someone who is going to cheat, we couldn't have stopped them, he calmed down.
    told me that he needed to come to reality to get the worrying that I may cheat out of his head.
    I admit that I worry about screwing things up, or that he'll cheat someday too..
    but in the meantime, I just do all I can to have fun with him.
    I figure if he does someday cheat, I'll cross the bridge then. No point in letting worry screw things up.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:58 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

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