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3 Bumps

Emotional Infidelity

Has anyone here dealt with it? How did you find out? Did you stay in the relationship, or did you leave? Why? IF you stayed how did you regain trust in that person? Did you have kids with this person? How long were you together when this occurred? How did you confront it? Were you happy with your decision? How long did it take you to trust that person again?

I was hit with a ton of bricks on Sunday night, because the one an donly time I go to use my husband's cell, because mine was dead, there was a text from a girl, and then there was email correspondence, and more texts and pictures and it's been going on since 2007. I am so hurt and confused. I have hardly slept since then, and today was the first day I could eat more than a bite without feeling like I was going to vomit. I still am walking around with a knot in the pit of my stomach and feel very on edge.
Any and all input is appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Health

Answers (5)
  • I think emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating...I am so sorry.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 4:27 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I can relate to you the only way I know how. I am dating a man in the military who went on deployment for 6 months. Over the course of these months, I clung to my friends, one of which was a male. A week before my boyfriend came home, I participated in a sexual act with this other male. I felt ashamed, guilty and miserable. But I put up a front. My thoughts on the matter is that I did not want to hurt him. I knew it wouldn't happen again, so I figured not being honest would be the best route. Two months later, my guilt got the best of me. After these two months of lying, I came clean. It is a rocky road to be on. But we are still together, after his bouts of uncertainty and releasing his pain, we were able to make it through. We've developed an open and honest relationship because of it and have grown stronger. The problem with your situation lies that your husband did not come clean and has been seemingly...
    HCBallek

    Answer by HCBallek at 5:10 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • ...carrying this affair on for a long time. You must feel betrayed and so hurt right now. In your shoes, with your predictament, I personally don't feel I could be that strong person to endure that kind of infidelity. It really all depends on how he responds to your findings. We are human. We make mistakes. The question in your situation is whether or not you feel like you can give him a second chance. You can really only do so if he's willing and able to give up his privacy to you. His phone, his emails, everything. If you choose this route, you have to hope for a change and also be willing to be open and honest. Though, I've got to tell you, it's going to be rough.
    HCBallek

    Answer by HCBallek at 5:19 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • How to move forward with this would depend on your husband's attitude about it. Have you confronted him yet? If so does he seem apologetic or defensive, or angry? If he is truly willing to put the work back in to regaining your trust and you are truly able to work on getting over it with his help, then it's posible to move past it. It will not be easy, but i do believe it can be possible, but he has to be wiling to be completly honest and open with you. Where it has been going on that long, he really needs to figure out what his issue is and work through all that. Good luck, it's hard. My perspective is a little different as I was cheated on emotionally and physically for almost all of my marriage (about 3 years). I tried several times to work things out with my ex and there were times I truly believed it was possible. It was when he was honest and open with me and we were talking about everything and working through it. cont.
    jillybean703

    Answer by jillybean703 at 12:58 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Cont. However he kind of gave up and left me and I'm not sure what all went on for him that made that happen, but I got to the point that I needed to cut ties because he wasn't working on our relationship, but he wasn't cutting me loose either, so I was incredibly stuck. The first place to start would be to sit down and talk with him and try to figure out where he's at and if he's willing to cut off that other realtionship and be completly honest with you and work hard to make your marriage work. Then based on how that conversation goes you can figure out where you need to go from there. One more pice of advice is don't make any decisions without really thinking them through, to go either direction. You are so emotionally hurt that if you're anything like me it will be really hard to not just react to the pain, but you want to make sure your decision is the right one. Good luck! You'll can do this, no matter what happens.
    jillybean703

    Answer by jillybean703 at 1:01 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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