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emotional infedelity- what if you were on the other side?

ok, so what if you had a male friend who wrote to you, sometimes on personal issues-
but he had made the decision to not tell his wife.
it was platonic, and there was nothing but being pen pals.

would you think it was your place to try and get him to tell his wife all about it, or would you figure that it was up to him.



Asked by ItsMe89 at 5:21 PM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,130 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • If he had nothing to hide ,he should tell his wife--however, if she was the super jealous type, I understand why he might not.

    While I think the topic might be mentioned once, it would not be my place to keep trying to convince him he should tell his wife. Ultimately, it is his choice.

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:25 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think men and women should be able to be friends outside their marriage. If it just platonic and he just looking for a woman's opinion, I don't see it as a problem. If by personal, you mean something more sexual that he wants from you, yes this is a problem.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 5:27 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • i wouldnt tell him to tell his wife, but if hes making it a point to you not to tell her, and you feel guilty about it i would say stop talkin to him....i know you're friends but you never know, if you stop talking to him maybe it will force him to fix his problems himself,,, and deal what is going on in his life instead of relying on answers form you...
    btw i would definitley notice if my husband was getting regular letters in the mail, and im sure shes not as in the dark as you're thinking she is..

    Answer by ahasugar at 5:24 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think that you shouldnt be talking to a man who has a wife if your doubting if its ok, there is obviously a reason why he is not telling her and a reason why she is jealous, put yourself in her shoes, what if you found out your husband was talking to another woman about something he wont talk to you about or feels he cant talk to you about. I feel like it should be an understanding between all women, if a man is married leave him alone that way there is no temptation, its ok to be acquainces (sp) but i dont believe married mean should have "friends" there is just no need to girls to be friends with married men in my opinion.

    Answer by xxSummaxx13 at 5:36 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • i wouldnt do it, it is capable of turning into drama and the last thing i want/ need is a married persons drama. it became wrong when he started hiding it from his wife.

    Answer by 3xangel at 9:32 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Nope I would stay out of it. My husband had a relationship with a female co-worker and she some how figured out he was making a pass at her. She tried to kiss him. He told me about it I was like aaahhh come on I don't need to know. There were talking about our marriage and she thought that meant he was attached to her emotionally. Duh he leaned to not do that any more.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:49 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • actually, it's me that writes to him more than the other way around. my husband knows, but he leaves the details up to me.
    I don't feel guilty about it, I figure it's his choice. I just asked him a long time ago if his wife knew, and he said no, and it's because she gets jealous.
    I figure it's up to him.
    and I have totally considered that she very well may be checking his email and may read the letters.

    put I've decided that his wife is his business.

    Comment by ItsMe89 (original poster) at 5:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I have male friends who tell me their personal issues. I listen and don't judge. From what they say, the wife wants to argue about things not listen. I'm not emotionally vested in their relationship so I don't argue. After we talk I do suggest that they discuss it with the wife but they normally just let it go.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:46 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I don't feel wrong about it at all-
    just wondered what others had to say about it.

    Comment by ItsMe89 (original poster) at 6:06 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Are there things in the letters that he wouldn't want his wife to see, or that you wouldn't want your husband to see? I'd probably just say things like "You should really talk to your wife about how you are feeling" in regard to specific issues, but I wouldn't necessarily tell him to tell her about me so much as the things in his life that he discusses that he should be sharing with her.

    Answer by beckcorc at 6:19 PM on Jul. 8, 2010