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Will Hubby Leave,because of lack of intimacy?

2 kids...married 4 yrs....a loving hard working husband that adores me and our children,but being ASAHM can be sometimes stressful and tiring. I cook, clean, see about the kids and try to get a shower in before the hubby comes home. That's just during the day...now we are eating and baths have to be took..by the time the dishes get done,and I pick up toys from down stairs I HAVE NO ENERGY OR PATIENTS TO RIDE OR BE ROAD at that point....TMI (SRRY) what can I do? Don't wanna be that wife that gives it when i'm finally in the mood..:(

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CafeMom732

Asked by CafeMom732 at 9:28 PM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (172 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • tell dh that if he would do more around the house you wouldnt be so tired and might feel like having sex
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 9:30 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You have to try to find a balance. If you can get the kids to pitch in and help pick up their own toys that would help a little of your load. If maybe you can get hubby to give baths a few times a week that may help to lighten the load as well and maybe be a little less stressful so that you are able to be ridden. I know staying home can be rough because I am there and I work from home as well. I wish you luck.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:31 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I'm in the same boat. My husband has learned that fourplay is house work for me. If he wants some, then some dishes better be washed, clothes washed.... just something that could help me relax some.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 9:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Set the alarm and start his day off right before the kids get up
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:01 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • When the kids were small we used to wake up and do it in the middle of the night! Sleep before and after, it doesn't get better than that!
    janel123

    Answer by janel123 at 10:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • my husband and i have had this fight over and over. in the evening i have to cook dinner, put it away, somewhat clean up the kitchen, get the baby in the bath, try to get him to bed at a decent hour, etc. and usually by the time the baby goes to bed my hubby's been asleep for an hour. we weren't having much sex, and my hubby was blaming it on me, like it's my fault, or i just plain don't want to. i started adjusting my evening routine. for one, i wash dishes and clean up the ktichen during the day. so after i cook dinner, i put away the leftovers and then don't wash any dishes, just leave them for the morning. then, i started bathing my son in the morning. i dont know if that will work with older kids. so that left me a little more time in the evening for him. when he wants to get intimate, we put the baby in the high chair and turn on cartoons and do it. its still not perfect, but its helping
    Butterflysky_24

    Answer by Butterflysky_24 at 11:14 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I'm a sahm and I homeschool, so I am tired a lot. However, my dh helps me in the house/kids as much as he can when he is not at work.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 11:26 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I asked nearly this same question before. I even went to my doctor who sent me to a neurologist to figure it all out...turns out..yep just tired from taking care of the house and kids all day. When hubby is ready for sex I am ready for sleep! Then he tries to approach me when I am trying to sleep and I wriggle away from him. Hello I AM SLEEPING....well yeah it became a HUGE topic of debate in our house. He thought I didn't love him anymore. I thought I was defective...long story short I had to rearrange my time. He's a midnighter so I have to make sure I can get that quickie in sometime before he goes to bed for work that night. Not easy to do with kids but that's what the baby gate and a lock on our bedroom door is for. I agree with the others here who have said you need to find help with things so you aren't super mom..(frankly there is no such person) you have to prioritize what is more important and intimacy is important.
    truetigress

    Answer by truetigress at 12:52 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • (they never give me enough letter room here in answers...) anyway to finish my last post...
    My husband thought if I didn't want his lovin then I must not love him anymore. Men do tend to think with that part of themselves first. He even tested me...after a couple weeks he actually told me he refrained from asking because he wanted to see if I'd initiate! Well nuts for him I didn't and so it became a huge issue.
    As to your thought if he would leave you? No...if he truly loves you he won't...but he might guilt you into thinking something is wrong with you. Don't fall into that trap...just re-prioritize your life...kids (because they can't take care of themselves...hubby needs lovin...and then housework....kinda in that order.. Best of luck to you and hopefully things will get back on track soon for ya...*S*
    truetigress

    Answer by truetigress at 12:58 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I've seen many marriages fall apart in the name of putting the kids first and hubby comes last, after housework, and five thousand other things.If you don't have a marriage, you don't have a family, and YES sex is an important part of marriage. You need to prioritize. Is the world going to come to an end if the house isn't spotless? I don't know how old your kids are, but unless they are babies, if they're old enough to get their toys out, they're old enough to put them away. You and your hubby need some alone time as well. This is a MUST for maintaining the spark. My husband and I have a date night at least once a month. You need to leave the kids with a trusted baby sitter and spend some time with your hubby, and don't talk about the kids. Try cooking and freezing some casseroles on the weekends so that you don't spend as much time in the kitchen on weekdays.Eat off paper plates and use plastic utensils a few nights a week
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 8:20 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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