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for the moms who spank; have u ever stopped a friendship bc a fellow mom doesnt spank

my son is 2yrs 8 months and by my own personal choice i dnt spank..... i have well had a friend that has two kids that are 3 and 1. our kids use to play together alot.. and i admit my son is aggressive.. for some reason my son hits her kids often... i do put him time out... if we are at the park its near a tree... if we are a home at the pool he goes inside and sits on a towel. the most recent episode was at the park and after time out.. the second time my son hit we went home... well my friend thinks that im allowing my son to beat her children bc i dnt respond by spanking... she is very admit that spanking works bc her kids dnt my kid back... she confronted me and said that if i dn consider spanking we will have to take a break..i understand her concern.. but i think she is out of line..i never told her i wouldnt be her friend bc she spanks and i think its wrong..... i dunno my son is not even 3.. any thoughts advice

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Rydersmommy616

Asked by Rydersmommy616 at 10:38 PM on Jul. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,405 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I can't believe she said that to you. I would maybe just ignore your calls and not meet you at the park if I didn't want our kids to play together...I'm not a blunt person tho.
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 10:41 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • maybe she is just tired of your kid hitting hers and what you are doing obviously does not work. maybe try a different type of punishment for it.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 10:41 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think she is just upset too about her children being hit and its not stopping...she is frustrated.I am sure you are too.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 10:42 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I wouldnt end a friendship because I didnt agree w/ their dicipline style. However, I could see taking a break if I felt that someone else's child was negativly impacting mine. If it was getting more difficult to keep my son in line because he was picking up behaviors from someone else's kid and I dont feel that they are addressing it, I might take a break out of desperation.
    new_mom808

    Answer by new_mom808 at 10:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I wouldn't continue to bring my children around another child who repeatedly treated my child badly, regardless of whether the parents spanked or not.
    JeanetteRene

    Answer by JeanetteRene at 10:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • i choose to spank when things such as hitting other children occur, but i would never not be friends with someone if their kid hit my daughter and their parent didnt spank them, thats just ridiculous. If the problem was they liked to push the other children off of high spots, lol, i would consider it just so the child didnt break their neck lol. But my daughter has been (in not so nice terms) bitch slapped by a fellow playmate, with no provoking, and i do not de friend this mother for putting her in time out and my child being hit again. :) Honestly kids are kids and need to learn to, i dont want to say put up with it, because that is not quite right, but more maybe learn their own ways of dealing with being hit along with the different responses it provokes from other parents and their own. Kids go through hitting stages and biting stages (so my mother has told me, my DD does not bite, yet, but i did) The other Mom sounds off
    smilelovesmile

    Answer by smilelovesmile at 10:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • No I wouldn't end a friendship over that, she has no right to tell you how to raise your kid. Your son is still young and learning. Personally I do spank my kids but I've never told anyone that they should spank their kids because it's better than time out. I use time out as well but just because I also spank, and it works for my kids doesn't mean it will work for every child.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 10:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You should genuinely care about your child hurting others and it sounds like you do. If she sees spanking as the only way to teach, then she is wrong and you just have to let go. Anyone who says "spank your baby or we can't be friends" is not a friend. I totally understand she may think that you aren't doing enough, but she should also understand that physical punishment is very not ok for a lot of people. Hitting your kid will not make him stop hittig others. Hitting is NOT something you wanna expose him to if he already has a hitting problem. She should know that. Suggesting and even insisting that is very wrong on her part for ethical and effectiveness reasons.
    jus1jess

    Answer by jus1jess at 10:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • no that's ridiculous. but it would be hard to be around someone who's kids acted that way and continually hit my children....
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 10:49 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think you should do something other than time outs for your child if they continue to hit other children. I'm not suggesting you spank them, but maybe make their punishment a bit more harsh until they get the message that they do not hit other children. That's probably why your friend doesn't want her kids playing with yours. It's harsh, but I wouldn't allow my kid to play with a bully nor would allow her to bully anyone around.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 10:49 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

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