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How do you keep from losing yourself in motherhood?

Four years into marriage and 2 years into motherhood I feel like I have really lost myself. I have some basic ideas on how I'm about to climb out of this rutt I'm in but has anyone else been there or kept from being there in the first place?
I do have a great husband and k they are not the problem. My husbabnd will support anything I want to do.

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Asked by MamaChamp at 11:14 PM on Jul. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (443 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I am myself. I am a mom and will be for the rest of my life. So... I don't get that but I do get the rut part.

    What are you good at and what do you love? What did God create you to do?

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:15 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Oh honey I know how you feel, I got to a stage where I felt my only identity was mommy, I barely remembered my own name. Hang in there. First things first you've got to take some time out for yourself, go out with your friends, get your husband to look after your kids if he's not busy and do something you enjoyed before the children came along. You've also got to occasionally in your own home just take a little bit of time out, if you get what I mean. Good luck with everything, I hope you find what you're looking for. :)

    Answer by leah_rai at 11:16 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I think I understand where you're coming from. Do you ever do anything for yourself? If not, you need to start. My hubby never quit his dart league once we had kids and I was always so mad at him for getting to go out once a week and do what he liked to do, but one day I realized that I could do the same, I just don't. So, I started doing something for myself one night a week too.

    Answer by MommyH2 at 11:18 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • Someone put it to me one way...that your just in a different phase in your life.....and over time roles and everything will change. you'll always be your kiddos mom, but some things get easier and others harder. Be sure to make time for yourself. All by yourself.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 11:21 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I like being lost in motherhood. I'm a much better person for it, and I wasn't anything so special before having children that I want my old self back. I kissed that person goodbye, and I'm glad I did. I like it that my world doesn't revolve around me any more.

    Answer by MyGiftsFromGod at 11:22 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • You can get together with a group - whether a hobby, a reading group, a church group, etc. You can read more, that also helps you to have something to talk with your husband about besides the children. There are free classes in communities for a variety of subjects, you could investigate that and take one. I think it is always important for a woman to be able to work if she had to for whatever reason. You can do some things that would make you more marketable in that situation by doing volunteer work, taking classes, a number of things. It doesn't mean you have to work, it just helps to keep current in skills, etc.

    As a mother who has gone through the empty nest and have witnessed others, it helps to have a tight marriage relationship and other interests. You aren't so lost when it's time for the children to leave.

    Answer by joysings at 11:28 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I am exactly were you are now. I am trying to get everything in order so i can go back to school this fall. Before I had kids i knew a lot of moms who would work part time even though they didn't need to just to feel like a person with a name for a little bit instead of mommy. Anything that gets you out of the house for an hour or two a week without kids will help. some place were you have a name and can talk to other adults about things other then kids.

    Answer by jen699 at 11:30 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • It's easy to. Kids and life get the better of you and you wake up one day realizing you just don't recognize yourself anymore. The important thing is, is that you recognize it. You just have to find hobbies, crafts, anything that interests you. That's just for you. Whether it's sewing, swimming, mountain climbing, reading, going to concerts .. Just something that reconnects you with yourself again.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:32 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • These ideas really help. Being a mom and wife are wonderful and that are a HUGE part of who I am. But I do need to step out of that box to be more well rounded. I want to be..well... interesting again, lol.

    Comment by MamaChamp (original poster) at 11:43 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

  • I worked out and built up my writing so now I have my own production company I will be moving it to Japan in 2012 after I graduate from college. Just find something you might want to do later and start building it a little bit at a time this helps you two ways it provides you with some self time now even if its just an hour a day and later you can either make it a business or keep it a hobby. GL Momma


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:52 PM on Jul. 8, 2010

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