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at the end of my rope and scared to death

my ex is taking me back to court for custody. he currently has therapeutic supervised visiation and now because he showed up for 6 months and played the good daddy, he wants 2 weeks a month! he hasnt changed one bit! he just put on a good show for an hour while he was there. he has done unspeakable things to our 2 kids, 8 & 6. every time they start taking steps forward he comes in and screws them up again. the emotional abuse that he has done to them will have a lifetime of effects and getting them back will be like a death sentence. i cant afford a lawyer and in NY the courts dont always use common sense. im worried sick hell get them back and alone. the kids are afraid of him. i dont know what to do or where to turn. my stomach is in knots and i havent been able to sleep in days. has anyone gone through anything like this before?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Jul. 9, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (8)
  • The kids need to tell the judge that. They are old enough to know what they are talking about. God belss!

    Answer by ABusyBee at 9:41 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • First of all take a deep breath and calm down. Evidence of what he's done will help in court, also if the kids can tell people that they are scared of him that will weigh heavily in your favour. Write down everything he does if he starts to emotionally abuse you at all before the court hearing, also record any phone messages/text messages that he sends you. Anything is helpful. It sounds to me as if this man has no right to your children and I am sure the court will see that too. May God be with you and help you and your children in this difficult time.

    Answer by leah_rai at 9:43 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • is a court appointed child psychologist involved yet?, if not i think you can ask for one, the psychologist . talks to children and reports to judge, sometimes parents do not even know what is in the professionals report-at least in a friends case in our state it was the case, and kids must have said something pretty damaging because the father (in this case) got full custody, but he never knew what was said bewteen his child and the psy. and he never asked his child either


    Answer by fiatpax at 9:49 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I have no advise but you are in my thoughts. I hope you make it out alright and those kids get what they need.

    Answer by Savymom25 at 9:50 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Because this case involves your minor children, and your ex-husband already requires supervised visitation, I would request that a court-appointed child psychologist meet with your children, and if he/she can build a trusting relationship with them, they can express to the therapist their issues with their father, and hopefully the psychologist can relay that information back to the Judge.

    I would do as the previous poster said, and record EVERYTHING--and try and dig up past instances to shows his erratic and destructive history. And I would appeal any ruling that goes against what you feel is in the best interest of your children. The court should be able to provide your with a court-appointed lawyer to help you. But, if not, just write down ALL of your concerns--remain factual and don't get emotional--just advocate in a calm and concise manner, and I'm sure it will all work out!

    Good Luck! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:50 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I assume you have a lawyer? If not, get one. I'd insist the court order a psycological eval on your kids. Just how they feel will come out and you will have a professional view on whether or not them being with him would be good or bad. 2 weeks a month with each parent is hard to do and it is hard on the kids to be tossed back and forth like that in any instance. It is also a huge leap from conditional visitation to 2 wks a month. I would not expect a judge to allow it but you never know these days. I'm not an expert but I'd want that expert opinion.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:51 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Do you or have you had the kids in counseling? You could use the counselors opinion on the matter. If the children are truly afraid of thier father then the counselor/therapist will know and it should be in writing and maybe even come to court on our behalf.
    If you havent had counseling for them yet, I would try to get them into that. Medical insurance should pay for it.If yours doesnt cover it and you can't afford it out of pocket, try to get Medicaid supplemental insurance or search around for free counsseling..there should be programs in your area for kids, just finding that main resource is the biggest thing. I went to Children and Family Services and was referred to a counseling group for children at no cost to me for my son, he also had a child psychologist working with him at one point. Also, try legal aid for a lawyer.Don't get scared,fight back in any legal way you can.Good Luck.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:05 AM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I would really suggest counseling for the kids, their counselor can speak in court on your and their behalf and also have the kids talk to the judge. GL

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 11:54 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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