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As a wife am i obligated to listen to every single thought that comes out his mouth even if it hurtful, offensive, or just down wright out of line?

He gets upset when i walk away from him while he is talking to me in this manner.

 
DeeDee737

Asked by DeeDee737 at 12:00 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (112 Credits)
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Answers (15)
  • He is obviously frustrated at whatever, and that feeling should be validated. Maybe you have tried this already, but calmly and patiently allow him the space to voice that, but let him know that you will not be talked to like you have discribed. Tell him that you want to listen to him, but feel that you can't. Try to just listen... what I mean is don't interrupt, don't make suggestions, don't correct.
    It is probably just a habit in him now to talk to you like that, so maybe you could try to plan a signal if he starts going in the wrong direction with his conversations. It sounds like both of you are going to have to learn to be patient with each other. You might want to go to a counselor, just so that each of you can let your voice be heard.

    If he is just a jerk, well, then none of this really applies. Based on what you have said though, I think you guys can work it out.:)
    squish

    Answer by squish at 12:25 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I would tell him when he can have an adult discussion with you without being crude or offensive that yo uwill sit and listen to what he has to say. Everyone gets mad from time to time, thats normal but there is such a thing as anger control and being able to control what comes out of ones mouth.
    No, you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:05 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • i would tell him how it made me feel. my husband use to do that until i told him it really makes it hard to not walk out. now he pays more attention to how he words things and the tone of his voice. he is more considerate. if he has a problem we talk about it instead of fight about it.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 12:04 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Do you just walk away, or do you tell him that it is offensive before you walk away?
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 12:01 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • hmm I would say no but sometimes the only way to get something out of you is to explode. for my husband I know he doesn't mean it towards me if he has a bad day and I don't always want to listen but I figure I can probably be unbearable at times and want someone to listen to me as I blow of steam.
    Savymom25

    Answer by Savymom25 at 12:02 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I wouldn't stand and listen to it!! I'd let him get mad!
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:02 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Just because you're his wife doesn't mean that you should allow him to talk to you like that. When you walk away tell him that you'll talk to him again when he isn't so rude to you.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 12:05 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • You're not obligated to listen to offensive speaking, he is obligated to treat you with honor and respect, remind him calmly about the vows you both took to love honor cherish etc... Nothing in there about being subjected to offensive behavior. Maybe seek counseling.
    Mysticwriter

    Answer by Mysticwriter at 12:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • No you don't. I don't know if the comments are made at you or at or about other people. If it is against or at you, that is abusive. You need to seek out assistance and see if he would go to counseling. Some people don't realize what they are saying is offensive or not right, depending on their backgrounds, etc. Some people like to say whatever comes to their mind. You should say something to him, in a calm way, asking why he says that etc. Sometimes asking someone a question like that is best on the phone. My husband went to school at his company's institute a couple of thousand of miles away and I confronted him on the phone. I felt safer. He was really surprised about how he had been acting had affected me. He did change. You can always talk to someone at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). If your husband is the type that snoops, don't do it at home or on your cellphone.
    joysings

    Answer by joysings at 12:10 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • If it were me, I would tell him, that I was his wife, I deserved to be treated and talked to with respect, and if he could not do that, then I would not listen to it. If he got pissed when I didn't, oh well, that would just be his problem.
    Honey, I lived through a relationship that was very verbally abusive, and I was never "allowed" to walk away no matter what he said. Since I left him, my view on that has completely changed. I am a grown woman, I will not be talked to disrespectfully by anyone, and if they don't like it I don't care.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:11 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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