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How do I get my husband to listen to me about money matters?

I just got a job!!! Finally after seven months! :-)

A problem that I've been having with my husband is his addiction to cigarettes and fast food. For a long while, we have been borrowing from our overdraft. Each overdraft withdrawal has a $30 penalty, so I only did it once to cover rent and food. The withdrawal only went into overdraft for $150. Our joint account has a $500 overdraft limit that include penalties. Then I left it alone.

The issue- I have been noticing overdraft notices in our mailbox. Also, the other night, my husband bought two large pizzas from Dominos, and finished them the next day (there was nothing left when I returned from work). And, I know he's been eating at Burger King at lunch. (He declines lunches I offer to make.) My husband said that he got an I.F. notice at the ATM (which means overdraft is maxxed out).

Why did things have to go this far for him to understand (I hope)?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • if you figure it out, let me know! mine is the type that is always saying "it's only $3" well damn honey, $3 X 30 days a month is $90! DUH LOL

    take away his debit card! only give him cash! My hubby sucks with the card, he never keeps track of what he spends "$5" is really $6.75 or something and so those little bits add up to overdrafts. He also had no idea that with the card it doesn't always come out immediately! You cannot trust the balance you get at the atm/online banking/phone.

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 12:27 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • are you sure he's spending the money on food/cigs? he may be trying to hide something else.....maybe.

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:27 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Honestly, I would tell him since we were having so many overdrafts, we both needed to go to Cash ONLY! (Except for paying bills). That way you can get your checking account straightened out! Another added benefit would be, that it is a lot easier to swipe a card, than to hand over your last 5 bucks for a fast food meal at lunch!

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:31 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • My hubs and I keep separate accounts (always have, always will) it works out great for us. Have you thought about opening up a new account and putting most of the money (or direct deposit the paychecks) in that (and NOT give him a card to it) and use that account for bills, and then tell him the current account can be his-- but he has to manage it himself. Give him an allowance and put it in the account and tell him when the money is gone, that is it no more until next payday. I would also tell him that if he gets and overdraft that will be deducted from his allowance and he will have that much less to spend. Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 12:37 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • We had this problem too... but DH is a BIG guy and so its never "just $3" at BK, its more like $10. There's no such thing as a leftover in my house, b/c he will eat it. When the bank suspended our OD because they were too frequent, we were FORCED to go cash-only. No paper checks, no debit cards -cash only. He saw how LITTLE we had to blow on stupid shit. I also told him that I was quitting smoking (not completely quit yet, but I've cut down considerably) when the taxes went up on 7/1 - ONE pack of my fav brand comes out to about $6 after taxes... and smoking a pack a day (which he did too) just myself I was spending $180/month. So now I get the cheapest, nastiest ones I can find so if a nic-fit hits me, I wont ENJOY it like I used too.

    Now he takes his own lunches, tries to not eat as much, and smokes much less. We're not rich, but we dont struggle AS much.

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 12:40 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I had to have a total melt down to get my husband to understand.

    He would spend all our money on frivolous crap and accumlate charges and I would be upset. I was upset about the lack of money, but he felt like I was trying to control him. I finally told him that he could take over paying the bills bc I was so stressed every month and crying at night when we were short and he didn't seem to care or want to do anything to help. Once he got that I wasn't trying to NAG, but really struggling he felt terrible that I was stressed and he listened.

    We sat down together with all of the bills and he finally GOT IT. Then we were able to make changes together to reduce our bills sell a "fun" vehicle that we didn't really need, and be reasonable about our budget. That was about 2 years ago and he has been fine since. Now he checks before he spends.

    Make your hubby do the math and be a team on finances with you!

    Answer by Niki_sd at 12:45 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Take that damn debit card out of his hands. If he doesn't get it, then make him pay cash.

    Answer by Flippindadaisie at 12:55 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • If he is that immature cancel his debit card and handle all the money yourself. Give him an allowance

    Answer by janel123 at 12:56 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Ok he is being financially irresponsible and that is bull crap! Does he have a job? Why is he running up over draft fees for pizza and smoking? I just don't even understand. Is he going to put the lost money back into the account? Does he not understand this is a black mark on your credit? I am happy you got a job! My suggestion would be, keep your pay checks in a sperate place or account until he rectifies the negative ballance in your account. He seriously needs to grow up. If he can't afford it, he can't have it. Tell him it is PB and J sandwiches whether he likes it or not unti he pulls his head out!

    Answer by salexander at 2:49 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • cut up his cards and give him cash only!!!

    Answer by 3xangel at 10:06 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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