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3 Bumps

on daughter

here's the thing, she confined on a family member that she almost had sex with her boyfriend. that really upset me for that fact that she is so young and also i was a young mom too when i had her. i grounded her but what do i do know. we had the sex talk a long time ago but i am so upset. i thought she had sense on this matter.

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sandra121319

Asked by sandra121319 at 12:47 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think you should praise her for stopping. give her information and knowledge on how to protect herself. Punishment alone could push her away...I was your daughter .
    bumblebeestingu

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 12:51 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • grounding her wont make he not try again and she def wont confide in a fam member again. i agree w 1st poster
    rileymommy

    Answer by rileymommy at 12:58 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • i wouldnt punish her. because she ALMOST had sex. which to me implies she was gong to but decided not to. good for her. and as far as her talking to a family member about it that is good too. atleast she is able to discuss these issues with some one. i would talk to her and let her know you are proud of her for not going thru with it. and that was a very wise decision. i would again have the sex talk as a refresher. and let her know honestly how hard it is to be a mother and that once you have a baby your young carefree days are over. because you would now be responsible for anthers entire well being. and depending on her exact age i would also possibly consider birth control. dont be too hard on her momma she stopped it before the actual act took place and that is a hard thing to do in the heat of the moment even for adults.... GL
    sweetestkitten

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 1:06 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • what did you ground her for? why would she want to open up to you now?
    I can understand it scared you, but if she stopped, then she made a good choice.
    how old is she?

    we're talking about human nature here, and though it would be great if things never happened until someone is old enough to deal with it, it often doesn't.

    Look how many adults get caught up in the moment. I would calm down then take a look at how you reacted.
    perhaps you made a mistake?

    I'd get her a big box of condoms and make sure she knows how to use them, and make sure she knows how VD is spread. I know a adult family member who doesn't realize all the different ways you can contract diseases.
    This isn't about how you raised her, it's about how to be responsible even when you are up against one of the strongest forces on the planet- sexual desire!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:26 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • why ground her for something she ALMOST did? I agree with other posters that say to praise her for NOT doing it. Face it though, sex is something that is going to happen at one time or another. Why not educate her on how to be safe and smart about it and tell her to respect herself and that you love her and want the best for her. If you think it WILL happen- take her for some birth control.
    Punishing her is not the way you want to go with this- if she really wants to do it she will find a way -and will learn NOT to come to you with things. You said you had the talk...but I think it should be ongoing thing, my daughter and I talk about this stuff all the time- usually in the car when no one else is around...when something is going on with a friend of hers or because of song lyrics or whatever. We are VERY close and she comes to me with pretty much everything
    good luck
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 1:31 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Sex really should be discussed consistently, its not a one time conversation - every day in my house there is some form communication surrounding the subject whether its feelings, relationships, or a quick retort from me about their friends relationships, I mean anything to talk about it so they know I'm aware. Her confiding in someone else, could be a sign she she fears you'll be angry and doesn't feel comfortable going to you. You need to head this off start talking more about how you feel and that you are there for her and won't be angry if she makes bad choices and needs your help or you guidance or just your shoulder to cry on, they need to know they can count on us. We can be disappointed, but let go of the anger, help her learn from the experience, tell her it was stupid, but you're proud she made the right choice. IMO punshing her was a bad idea, are you punshing her for not tell you or for almost having sex? Cont...
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:33 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • If it was me I'd go back to her and apologize for over reacting and start again, doesn't mean you take away the punshiment - its an issue of trust and honesty, but I think she needs to know she can come to you. My fear based on this is she won't now because of the punshiment which probably thought would happen if she went to you in the first place, and now she can't trust the family member...so who will she talk to? Let her know you were upset, let her know why and then talk about how you really thought she could make better decisions, let her know you feel you failed her because she can't and that you both need to work on that. I know this would work with my boys, and they fall for water works all the time.. try some tears so she knows it hurt you... my boys are blubbering mess when I'm done and come back later to say I was try and they will do better. :)
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:36 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • i would make it very clear that the punishment was fro lying to you about where she was and that ONLY. I would tell her that she is free to talk to you about ANYTHING without fear of judgement or punishment and MEAN IT. Then, take her to get birth control, get a big bag of free condoms at the health department while you're there, and give her some teen-friendly material you can easily find online about various STDs...that way when it DOES happen (because it eventually will), she is prepared.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 11:14 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

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