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Polar Opposite Parenting Styles. How do you cope?

I'm strict. My partner is overly lienient. My kids have never been in trouble. All three of hers have (especially her son, the oldest), yet she says my way of parenting is the "wrong" way to do it.

Thoughts?

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momoftwins240

Asked by momoftwins240 at 4:16 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (153 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If all the kids are in the same house... they need the same rules.
    You and your partner need to discuss the ins and outs of what IS and IS NOT allowed and stick to it, every time no matter what.

    The kids will divide and conquer you if you are not a team.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 4:21 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I don't think that there is a 'wrong' way to parent. But I also think this should have been talked about before you moved in together. If everyone is in the same house then everyone has to follow the same rules and the two of you need to come together on an agreement on what the rules are or none of those kids will respect any of you!
    trelmix

    Answer by trelmix at 4:25 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Niki_sd...That's exactly what I believe too, however, she is not willing to do that. She lets her kids walk all over her, yell at her, defy her and break the rules and hands out either no punishment whatsoever or a punishment that is not meaningful to them and then doesn't even follow through on that. Thus, they treat her like crap. She gets pissed at me when I don't allow them to get by with treating me that way. I really don't care how pissed she gets. I was treated like crap the entire time I was growing up and I vowed to myself that once I left my fathers house that no one would ever do that to me again. I've held true to that vow and I always will. And no, I don't care if the person attempting to treat me badly is an adult or a child. Being a child/adolescent does not excuse disrespect and bad behavior.
    momoftwins240

    Comment by momoftwins240 (original poster) at 4:26 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • trelmix...My kids respect me completely because they know if they don't and they don't follow the rules there will be consequences, and they will not like them. I also make my kids show my partner respect even though she doesn't give them the same courtesy.
    momoftwins240

    Comment by momoftwins240 (original poster) at 4:28 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to talk to your partner about it. You don't want bad air in the household. I would sit down with her and talk to her about it and then have a family meeting. That way everyone is on the same page and there are no questions left unanswered.
    trelmix

    Answer by trelmix at 4:51 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • well i say this everybody has there own way of parenting there is no wrong way or right way
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • It's tough because as the kids get older (especially as teens), they work the system. They know who to ask to get exactly what they want, and this can cause a rift between parents. My husband is very laid back, and I'm not. One of our kids exploited us to the max for a couple of years. It was neither fun nor pleasant.
    Sisteract

    Answer by Sisteract at 7:51 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Rule number one of parenting is be consistent.

    You and your partner need to get on the same page, and do it quickly. Please sit down with neutral third party, like a couples counselor or clergy person, and find middle ground.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:57 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • rkoloms...We went through a year of couples counseling and it didn't change a thing. Mostly because my partner doesn't believe in psychology. She thinks it's a bunch of crap. I believe it works if you are willing to put in the personal work that is needed that is. Funny...she's very hypocritical where psychology is concerned. She says she believes it's a bunch of crap but then she sends her severely ADHD child to a psychologist on a regular basis because she says she "needs" it. Guess she just doesn't want to go to a psychologist herself because she also has a big problem with people pointing out her problems and faults to her and making suggestions on how to improve. She says she knows what all her faults are and she doesn't need anybody to tell her how to fix them because she believes that she should be accepted with those faults and not have to change. That's a cop out so she doesn't have to put forth any effort.
    momoftwins240

    Comment by momoftwins240 (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

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