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CM's responsibility when abuse is mentioned in anon questions

I sawe a question here a while back that is still bothering me, posted by anonymous, who cited what seemed to be very clear signs that her daugher had been molested. She was wondering whether orr not to call social services/child services, b/c she was worried the child would be taken from her.

That question has been on my mind for months, and has now led me to wonder, does CafeMom have any responsibility in a case like that to contact the aauthorities and disclose that mama's identity?

...and if you don't know, go ahead and weigh in with an opinion. What SHOULD CafeMom do, in your view?


Asked by FelipesMom at 4:51 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in About CafeMom

Level 24 (18,972 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I don't know that's an excellent question. Hopefully the mom reads this and understands that she stands a much better chance of loosing her daughter if she stands by and does nothing.  That girl needs her mom to protect her.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:55 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I don't think that CM has any responsibility to report, screen, or otherwise get involved. I think that sometimes people aren't as truthful on here as they could be - CM would have to spend a lot of time trying to validate the story to protect themselves. Just not worth it. I would hope, that if a woman comes on here and is genuinely in trouble and looking for advice that she takes it. There are a lot of smart ladies her that can at least help point her in the right direction.

    Answer by Scuba at 4:57 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I remember a question that could be the same. It really upset me and I had to stay off CM for a while because I realized that sometimes I can't help.

    The question I remember upset me so much because the mom found out about molestation years ago and didn't want to break up a family or start anything. Ugh, it made me so sad and so sick.

    I think CM should be under legal obligation to do something. What, I'm not sure.

    Answer by Sara.Robyson at 4:54 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I remember that! she posted later that she left with her daughter to a shelter, and that if anything the daughter was upset and wanted to go live with daddy. said that he confessed to the police, said that he had sedated the daughter so she wouldn't sleep through it.

    I contacted Cafe mom asking if they had a way to contact this woman assuming the story was true. they said they had received a lot of letters about it and would be doing all they could to contact this woman.

    Lets just hope it worked out- if the original writer is out there or if anyone knows her, I would love to hear how they are doing myself!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I think that's an EXCELLENT question!! Considering that while we may not agree on many topics, the fact that we're all moms, when it comes down to the health, safety and welfare of a child, we all reach a common ground and agree that children should ALWAYS come first!!

    I think it SHOULD be something that (upon privately confirming), the Admins should report to the local authorities in the poster's city/state, and let them sort out the details. I would hate to think that a child is suffering, when I COULD have done SOMETHING about it!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:57 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Good ?, IMO CM shouldn't be responsible for policing what ppl here type. Hopefully there are others in this little girl's life who have seen the signs & reported it or the mom took responsibility for protecting her kid. That's where the responsibility should lie, w/ the mother. How can you expect that your kid is being molested & NOT report it? If I suspected someone of molesting my kid I'd be making a the coroner to come get the body! I don't care who it is! The difficult I see for CM is that some ppl don't give their real name, or real location so CM may not have this info anyway. I see this site as a place where moms from all walks of life w/ many different problems can come to talk about it, if CM becomes a policer more moms will stop asking ?'s like these & that leaves the little girl even more vulnerable for the abuse to continue.By offering advice we can help those w/ ?'s like this figure out what works 4 them

    Answer by Nyx7 at 4:57 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • There isnt a whole lot that they can do. They dont have your address or phone number. Moms on here are from all over the country. Some women use fake last names for security or dont put a hometown on thier profile. Cafemom does not have access to the information required to make a report.

    They should feel morally obligated to message the mom with advice and numbers of people who can help.

    Answer by amber710 at 5:03 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • SAHMinIL2

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 6:03 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • CM also may have more infromation then you think they do use Web Logs (that is also found on the privacy page): Web Logs. Like most standard Website servers, we collect information from all visitors to the Site. This information may include the browser you are using, the internet address from which you linked to our Site, the operating system of your computer, the unique IP address of the computer you used to access our Site, and usage and browsing habits.
    They because of the web log most likely have an unique IP address and that is often enough to find exactly where the computer is at.

    Answer by SAHMinIL2 at 6:08 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I don't remember her saying she had known for years, but that she had caught him (so she figured) and was trying to get him to stop.
    I'm just glad that she spoke up. it happens more than we want to think, but it happens a lot where someone knows but they talk themselves into the idea that all is OK, and that it would be better for them to stay put.

    I think they also figure that they can 'make it better'

    I hope that this girl and her mom are ok.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:59 PM on Jul. 9, 2010