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when to say something?

i have a friend with a 4 year old son who is very out of control. whenever they are over to visit her son jumps on my furniture and is very rude to my 22 month old son. she watches him do these things like jumping and pushing my son and being mean to him but she hardly ever disciplines him. now, i dont want to be that mom who hovers over the kids and doesn't let her kid figure things out for themselves but i feel like her son should know how to act at someones house at 4 years old. if hes doing something that i wouldnt even let my own son do and shes not disciplining him am i allowed to say something?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • well maybe he cant help it? maybe he has a adhd? I hate it when mom always assume that they arent dissaplined, my so is the same way but its bc he gets to excited, he has adhd and moderately metal retarded! Just dont asume something...

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 11:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Yes! It's your house. Say something to her first and if she still doesn't do anything, tell her she and him aren't allowed over anymore until she can teach him how to act.

    I know all kids are different, but parents should know to at least talk to their kids when they are getting too out of line.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 11:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I ment to say son

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 11:23 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • well im always around them and im not assuming anything. i KNOW she doesn't discipline him cause im right there when she DOESN'T say anything to him. even if he has adhd shouldnt she say something to him? and shes a good friend. if she knew he had adhd or some typr of problem i would know too. did u even read my question?

    Answer by jme484 at 11:30 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • when i have guests over that have kids i say hey guys these are the rules, no running or yelling inside, be nice to each other, and have fun while your here!!!!! thank you for following my rules!!

    or there are too many of us and we need to have some rules here and then say the above again, no running and yelling, and play nice and have fun.

    your house your rules your not being mean, but sometimes when kids are in a new environment they think its a free for all and sometimes other moms dont know what to say or do. i would say something just be nice about it, like hey buddy he is smaller than you lets play nice please other wise go play over there please. or hey lets play with a puzzle or do you like coloring, distract them!

    Answer by emleejanedom at 11:30 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • AND having adhd or anything of that nature IS NOT an excuse to push and hit other kids and get away with it!

    Answer by jme484 at 11:32 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • i dont think she is assuming anything, it is a fact that her friends son pushes her younger son, my son gets overly excited too but i tell him chill out and sit down, or go run around outside to blow off some steam, my son gets so excited sometimes when we go out that i have him take a few laps around the house haha, you just need to know what works for you r kids and when they need to chill out and take a deep breath, your kids cant help being them but as a parent it is your job to protect them and protect them from hurting others. my son is sort of a follower so when he starts playing that :your not my friend game" i get so mad, i make him go apologize, little things like that make a difference.

    Answer by emleejanedom at 11:38 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Even the most Autistic children can be disciplined and need that structure. And for sure ADHD kids can learn how to act. Pushing a much younger child is a no-no for ANY child. And EVERY child can learn that.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:41 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I agree that its important to make rules and stick to them. Its your house, you and your son shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home. The only thing about having rules is that there needs to be some kind of punishment if the rules are broken too much. Punishing someone else's kid(s) in front of them makes everyone uncomfortable. I think you need to explain how you feel and why to your friend. Try and ask her for her help keeping the rules from being broken and if broken she should be the one to give her son time-out/punishment. If that doesn't work with her or her 4 year old I would simply tell her that you won't be walked on and let your rules continually be broken. Its disrespectful and rude to you. If your friend doesn't step up and act like a parent and take control of her son, I would ask her to leave. -I wouldn't invite them back until you two can agree on what is ok and what is not.

    Answer by JennCharisma at 11:44 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • "Okay boys, no running/jumping on the furniture" or whatever. If her son persists I would say something to the effect of:
    "Okay guys, It's getting a little rowdy. I've asked you not to jump on the furniutre and you've already forgotten! Let's sit down for a few minutes and take a breather" This way you arent really diciplining her son, but you are enforcing your rules, in a way that she shouldnt find offensive and maybe bringing it to her attention. A little "a-hem" if you will. :)

    Answer by new_mom808 at 12:20 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

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