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How should I handle this proverbial friend

Over a year ago a very good friend of mine stopped making time to get together with me. She would cancel plans we had or beg off of get togethers I would suggest. I stopped calling her because I got tired of the rejection. She didn't call me again for several months. She was apolojetic and I accepted undestanding that our lives are very busy and things happen. We got together again once and I went to her house once, and then she started again with the excuses. That was almost a year ago and I haven't talked to her since.
She emailed me this week asking if I was OK and that she missed me. Well I miss her too, but I am no ones doormat.
Am I being overly sensitive. How should I approach this?

 
asiamommi

Asked by asiamommi at 11:25 PM on Jul. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (182 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • If it were me, I would keep it short and sweet.
    I'd say "I'm doing great, thanks. I miss you too, hope all is well."

    If she wanted to make plans to hang out then I would suggest something low key and casual like going out for coffee. Then I'd bring a book with me and if she didn't show up, I'd have a nice coffee and read my book and enjoy my me time.

    Then I wouldn't make plans with her anymore. If she asks why, I'd tell her straight up "You continuously make and break plans with me and it's gotten very old. I don't have time for it."
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 11:36 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • You can ask her if there is something going on with your friendship, that you would like to know. Maybe she is having problems and issues and just doesn't feel like sharing. Maybe she was offended by something or life is just too busy. She may be depressed. Don't assume the worse, but reach out to her and see if you get an answer.
    joysings

    Answer by joysings at 11:32 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I have a friend like this...and i've simply stopped contact with her. I do NOT ask her to do anything, and I don't take her offers up to do anything.....when she finally feels like coming around.
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 11:34 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I'd feel the same way as you are about it. She doesn't sound like a consistent or reliable person, and in my opinion, those are the qualities needed to be considered a good friend. I would respond to the email nonchalantly and ask how she's been. She may feel bad and come around, or pull the same crap. I wouldn't offer to make plans with her. I'd leave that up to her and not hold my breath for her either way. GL
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:34 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I would straight up ask her, exactly how you posted it in this question. I am not one for games, and i am very blunt. I try to keep things more black and white, no wishy washy in the middle bullshit, either she wants to be your friend or she doesn't. It should be simple answer for her.

    Mommy2JoshNJake

    Answer by Mommy2JoshNJake at 11:35 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I can understand where you are coming from. I have going through a similar situation. I still I have not figured out how to handle it. But no I don't think you are being overly sensitive. Good luck. I hope you figure out what to do.
    katrinad

    Answer by katrinad at 11:35 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • I have the same problem! But I have had this problem for the past 10 years and I have just given up on her for the most part. I don't make plans with her, I don't expect her for any reason, and I don't initiate anything. And I have asked her several times what's up, I had told her how it makes me feel, I have even asked her a couple times if we were still friends. All I get are excuses. Good luck and don't let it go on for 10 years. It sucks.
    kuriequinn

    Answer by kuriequinn at 11:46 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • Do you want a friend? Then be one. Maybe she was going through a tough time in marriage or with health issues. If you can forgive her, it would be big of you.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 12:10 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

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