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2 Bumps

How would you read this??? I really need help with this.

My fiance left his facebook open to a message that he was exchanging back and forth between him and this old coworker of his. Anyways, his reply to her was..."obviously I was thinking about you, you were my favorite one to work with, I hope to see you again soon." With a past of one time cheating 3 yrs ago and knowing that he is a really flirtaious person..how would you take that response that he sent to her.? And also whenever he is one facebook and I ask about who the people are that he is looking up he is okay wtih me asking about the males but when I ask about the females he gets mad at me and gets all defensive and starts saying mean things to me. He asks me who I look up or whatever and its okay with me whether it is male or female.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Jul. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • i too would have some thoughts
    because of his past actions
    and because he tells you about males but gets angry about you askinf about females

    you are not way off base to question his actions on facebook

    if he never cheated and was not angry about you asking on either gender-then you would be off base, but since this is not the case, imo...you have a right to your feelings, and i would say trust your instincts

    (there is a group on here that may be able to help with facebook questions... detective wives club-not sure if that is exact name--look it up under groups, very helpful ladies in this group)

    wish you the best
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:55 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • You know, thats whats bothers me. They expect certain things, but in return dont do as they want us to. It's not even a reason for argument. The more information that you can hold and keep to yourself, the you have no doubts in your mind about decisions to make with this person. You know, You Read the page that was open, But conronting him about it isnt going to stop him and then You know that you are Not going to get the right answer once you confront him. The More You Know !!! The Least He Thinks and Know You Know...(feel me)Analyze it all and You Will Get Your Answer Without Even Asking.....
    ILOVEMYBOYS704

    Answer by ILOVEMYBOYS704 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • It's o.k. with him because in his mind you would never do anything...right? Thats usually the frame of mind they have.& or turn things around to confuse. IDK if there's anything for you to worry about in your case, it sounds harmless, from what you shared.
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 9:56 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • I would be upset. It may be nothing more than flirtation. I would not allow him to be angry about me asking though. I would say "you fucking cheated on me a few years back & you just expect me to trust you with all these girls on your facebook page? If you don't want me leaving yoru ass, you better have some explaining to do." I would have forwarded that email i found to my facebook messages to keep it as evidence. I would be asking him why he gets so devensive when i ask him about the other women. If he had cheated on me in the past & i was suspicious, i would probably even go as far as messaging these other women & say "my SO cheated on me in the past & i need to know you guys arent flirting or doing anything" That might sound paranoid, but most women would understand if they you were cheated on in the past by the man you love.

    I would raise hell, but then again, i am feisty & do not like not knowing the truth.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:57 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • Is there any way to look at his other messages on FaceBook? It sounds like he's going to do whatever he wants and thinks that getting mad at you fot bringing it up is going to give him permission to continue doing it since you're really not putting a stop to it.
    When my SO was doing things like this, I argued back and told him to pack his shit and move in with her if he's going to defend her against me just wanting to know what's going on. It sounds like he's up to no good, but the only way your really going to find out is to stand up to him and let him know how you feel. I defidently wouldn't marry him till I felt 110% comfortable with what's really going on. I mean seriously if these relationships with this girl is innocent then he should have absolutely no problem letting you know, instead of getting mad at you for bringing her up.
    Good Luck with it all.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 10:03 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • Well I'm a optomistic person and not really the jealous type so I really think it sounds like there might be a job opportunity for that former co-worker that he thought of her because she would be good for it. JMO. But there is no way to know unless you read the rest of the messages - or you could just ask him. I'm a firm believer in talking through these kind of things. I always confront things head on. But if you aren't usually that way - you need to ask yourself what you truely believe is happening. If you can't trust him enough to have innocent conversations on FB then you might want to think about getting out regardless of if he is actually cheating or not this time. You need to be able to trust without reservation - if you can't, then you won't ever be truely happy in your relationship. I hope you figure things out and in a way that makes you the happiest you can be! Good luck!
    Katt709

    Answer by Katt709 at 10:21 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • He has the power in your relationship. You need to shift it back so that it's equal for both of you. I would tell him when he's not on face book, (pretty much exacty what samarai said) and then, if he doesn't stop, leave.

    He's just not that into you.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:40 AM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • OP: please pm me
    Alwaysacarnie

    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 12:46 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

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