Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

do we have rights and how to we fix this?

I have a stepson that is 4 and a his mother won't let us see him anymore because he told her my husband beat him. But the thing is he told us his mom and her boyfriend beat him and put marks on him ( we seen marks on him several times when he came over). So we talked to her about it and she say he making it all up so we left it alone. So now the tables have turned she stopping us from seeing him. I am even more concerned because i have 3 children of my own and they miss him very much. What do i tell them and how do we fix this? We don't have many right because we can't afford a lawyer but we have to pay for hers. I love this little boy very much and i don't know what to do or even how to start to fix this. I do spank my children but not all the time and my husband do spank his son and ours. But most the time timeout works for them more then anything else.

Answer Question

Asked by Mrs.Patton1978 at 6:55 PM on Jul. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (111 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • What is the court ordered visitation? You shouldn't need a lawyer to go in front of a judge if she going against the court order. Why are you paying her lawyer? or are you just paying child support? If she is going against the court ordered visitation then I would start by reminding her of the court order and the consequences of failing to abide by it.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 7:02 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • In addition to what Cindy18 said--have you tried to talk to her and remind her of when he accused them of hitting him?

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:04 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • you can contact legal aid and see if they can help pay for the lawyer fees. also if you suspect hes being abused in his mothers home just do the right thing and get childrens services involed. most likely he would be placed with you anyway.

    Answer by cassie_m at 7:05 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • Wow...this sounds almost exactly what I went through (am still going through) with my husband and his son. When we first got married, his son was almost 2 and they had an agreement out of court that he would come every other weekend. As soon as she saw me, she refused to let him come back, stating that she knew something was for one year straight, my husband couldn't see his son. They went to court and we had to go through a bunch of crap because of her accusations. Bottom line (what I learned)-- 1. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING: write down dates and exact things that were said by your stepson and his mother.2. GET A LAWYER. If you go to court without one, they treat you like complete scum and will refuse to even listen to your side of the story. 3. VIDEO TAPE THE VISITS with your stepson. It sounds nutty, but if you just even have a video rolling constantly, showing how you all interact, etc... 4. DON'T GIVE UP

    Answer by chapmananitac at 7:16 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • We don't pay child support because we agreed on it and that we would have my stepson 5 days a week. Visitation is up on the mother and we went from having him 5 days a week to having him 1-2 days a week. When we moved to Alabama we was sending her money no knowing she was taking us to court. She didn't tell them we lived in Alabama so she had things going for child support and didn't tell us anything. So to the court we haven't been paying but didn't know she did it with the courts. So the judge decreed that my husband is the father and won't give him a DNA test. And when we went to court when we moved back to Indiana and found out about all this they would not let me go in with my husband and then they wouldn't let him talk and made us pay more in child support then he makes a month. Yes he did try and tell the judge but he told him get a lawyer if u want things to change and told him we have to pay her lawyer fees.

    Comment by Mrs.Patton1978 (original poster) at 7:20 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • Okay, legally speaking...No *we* don't have anything, *he* does. Make this your mantra or you could cause a hell of a lot of trouble for your husband.  You are a 'legal stranger' to the child and always will be.  You will never be allowed in the court room for hearings as long as mom says no.  Be there to support your husband, love his son like you have, all that stuff...but nix the 'we' when it comes to any legal proceedings.  The only legal 'we' where the child is concerned is his mother and father.  You have to learn to keep the family 'we' stuff OUT of the legal stuff.  Especially when you're dealing with, what seems to be, a vindictive ex. 


    Answer by desert_diva at 7:50 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • (con't)

    Dad needs to file for visitation. As long as there is no order filed wit the courts mom is doing nothing wrong and there is nothing he can do about it. Dad can represent himself 'pro se' and the courts can not refuse to hear him ~ if he is following the proper protocol. There should be tons of aide available in your area that can help him learn 'the ropes'. Check and see if your local family court has a website and they should have all the info as to when you can go in for help listed. They can't give you legal advice on your specific case, but they can explain how things work and what you need to do. Dad also needs to file for a child support modification. Most states have a % of earnings that child support can not exceed. Look up the guidelines for your state and then dad needs to go in and prove his monthly payment exceeds that amount.


    Answer by desert_diva at 7:53 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • ok i understand that it is not a we but how does that work when they want my money when he isn't working but i have no say in anything? And when he did try to show prof of his income the judge told him to get a lawyer until then i don't want to here it. What does he do now? What do i do i buy all my stepsons clothes,shoes and everything else?

    Comment by Mrs.Patton1978 (original poster) at 8:02 PM on Jul. 10, 2010

  • They can't touch your money for his child support obligation. The flip side...don't put his name on anything! If you put his name on the bank account and put your money in there they can take it. If you file a joint tax return they can take that, too. Did the court impute and income for him? If that's the case there's nothing hubby can do. It's an estimate of what he would make if he had a job in what ever field he works in. It's meant to kept parents from not working so they don't have to pay support. In tough economic times like these it can really bite ya' in the butt since there aren't a lot of jobs around.


    Answer by desert_diva at 2:14 PM on Jul. 11, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.