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What is wrong with him?

My Bf...well ex bf as of tonight is ridiculous. he lies hes self centered, hes manipulative, hes a sociopath, an alcoholic, a drug abuser, who I thought was recovering, but obviously isn't. I have tried for over 6 years to help him, to heal him, to love him unconditionally, and he has done nothing but lie to me, leave me, hurt me, physically and emotionally, all while telling me he loves me ofcourse. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and I just can't take it anymore, but I don't understand why he is this way. I dont understand what i see in him or why it has been so hard for me to leave him or get over him, because i've tried to before, and he talks me back into it. Why is he like this? How do I get over him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Jul. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • distance...its the only way you will be able to see things clearly (either way) and get over him.


    good luck, if he hasn't changed by now, chances are he never will.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 2:00 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Have some self control on your end. You're an enabler which means you allow him to do what he does to you because there are no consequences, and you probably, unknowingly support his drug problem by allowing him back after he leaves and catering to him. If you love him let him leave and don't allow him back, he has some issues and needs to hit rock bottom before this baby comes or you're going to have a hell of a time, or end up just not having him around at all.

    Good Luck
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:01 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Just like a bad habit, just don't do it anymore. Easier said than done but to tell you the truth it takes effort to pick up the phone, answer the door, talk to him, etc. If you just make yourself have something to do (something better to do) then you're just not going to have the time to deal with him.
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 2:08 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Three years ago I could have wrote that post word for word. Except I was only 4 years in. The pp who said distance is right. It'll be a fight within yourself not to answer the phone but everytime you start to cave, think of your baby. I finally had enough because I didn't want my children growing up thinking that type of lifestyle was acceptable for anyone to live. Everytime he starts sweet talking you (if you give him the opportunity by answering) remind yourself of all the things he has done to you. In one of our last conversations I told my exH "It was never about me. And it's not about you anymore. It's all about my baby now." You have to put your child's well being, happiness and safety over your love for him. Stay strong momma. PM me if you need to talk.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 2:21 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • When someone doesn't love themselves it's impossible for them to love someone else. If he's an addict, then there's no way to have a healthy relationship until he's had some type of therapy and is clean. Unfortunately he won't change until he is ready, and neither you or baby will make him any more ready. The best way to open your eyes up to a man like that is to separate yourself from him. Distance is the best way to get over him... just like tntmom said.

    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 5:13 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • You need to focus on YOU... Why would you want someone in your life that is all of those things?
    Write down what you want out of life, out of a relationship, out of the father of your child... and review it against your question.
    If you want more out of life... then move on. Know that you deserve everything on your list .
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 5:56 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Because he's an alcoholic and drug addict and he can't control his behavior. You can't help him, he has to get help and work really hard on getting better. There is nothing you can do to make this happen, it is completely out of your control. You need to leave and take care of yourself and your baby. Your child doesn't need to be raised in this situation.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:44 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • First of all, he is an addict. I know that is not a good excuse, but that is the only reason that he is the way he is. And there is nothing you can do for him. He has to be willing to stop the drugs and alcohol and get help. If he is not willing to do this, there is nothing you can do but help yourself. Second, you love him. There is nothing wrong with that, and it doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human. You can't control who you fall in love with. That is part of being human. Also, he probably does love you. His problem is the drugs and alcohol come first, and he can't control that either. That is part of being an addict. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. That is the most important thing. Be there for your boyfriend, on your time. Not his. Tell him in order to be a part of babies life then he must get clean and stay clean and go to AA and NA. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:55 PM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • He's like this because he's a self-centered addict. You cannot help him...he must help himself. You have to help YOURSELF...by getting OUT.

    Seeing a counselor can help you develop the strength you need not to go back.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:29 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

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