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should i invite her father or offer him to have her part of the day

my dd 1st birthday is going to be on one of his non visit days. i was thinking of having her party on her actual day. im wondering if i should invite him to the party or offer to have him take her for part of her birthday. for the time being i have temp custody with him seeing her three times a week but that could change at any minute so i want to be as nice to him as possible so that if the roles ever change he will have the same consideration for me. plus i dont want her to look back (even if she doesnt remember it the pic and what he says will reflect the past) anyways i dont want her to look back and resent me for not letting her see him on her first. the thing is that he has already told me he wont ask for extra time with her unless he "needs to" whatever that means. this is why i was thinking of inviting him and his folks. the thing is we DONT get along. his mother and i are decent around each other but due *continued*

Answer Question

Asked by mommy06and09 at 1:58 AM on Jul. 11, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 11 (531 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • to hurt feelings that cant seem to be overcome, we are not nice to each other and there is deffinate tension between him and i. i do my best to be nice to him but he is always such an ass and i WONT have his crackhead girlfriend there (and that is a literal generalization... she had her kids taken by cps two years ago but followed cps recommendations and got them back last year but relapsed at least once in the last year) so what do you think. do i wait for him to ask or do i invite him and hope he declines?

    Comment by mommy06and09 (original poster) at 2:01 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I believe both parents should always be at the birthday parties and special events for the kids unless there is some extreme circumstance (like abuse or long distance). So invite him.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:03 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I would ask if he'd like to have her for a few hours that day. It's very kind of you and it's a great way to approach the situation. Hats off to you for being so thoughtful.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:05 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • well he lives an hour away and we fight like crazy (although not physically) its just straight verbal. we dont say two words at pick up and drop offs. he always has this IM IN CHARGE AND THATS THAT attitude. i just talk to dd. i always say HERE COMES DADDY. and MOMMY LOVES YOU and YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TODAY type things. i am as cheery as possible but once he is there im as quite as a mouse. but once his back is turned im signing up a storm...

    Comment by mommy06and09 (original poster) at 2:07 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I think it's great of you to invite him & his family, it shows that you are making about your daughter, which is how it should be!

    Answer by Sandy1220 at 2:23 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I think that you should invite them all. It's not about you it's about your DD and be nice for the reasons you gave is great and all but you are a good women to take a few hours out of your day and everyone can put things behind you all and do this for this child that you and him brought into this world together.
    I have two step-child and my hubby and I have a child together and for all b-days and hoildays we celabate them together. But we all get along and have no issues with one another. I guess you can all call us a big happy family.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:53 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • A child's birthday should be celebrated with all of the people who love her.

    For your daughter, please get into couple's counseling with her father, and learn how to get along.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:52 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

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