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should i stay or leave?

i am married to a good man, good in the sence that he provides for all my financial need, both for me and our one year old doughter.. my problem is that he has put on so much weight over the last few years, i dont find him attractive at all. to be honest ihe even disgust me, i know its not nice of me to say this but i cant help feeling this way. he knows how i feel but he seemed not so botherd by it as he is not doing anything about his weight. am ashamed and dont wanna be seen with him, when we have compony all i do is stare at his big belly and think" oh my god, everyone is staring at it" i want to leave him but i dont have the heart to do so, as he love me so much, and he says he had rather die than lose his doughter. i have fallen out of love with him, not becouse of his weight only but due to a lot of other stuff. am so confused and helpless, trapped in a loveless mariagge with a decent but unromantic boring man. what to

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Jul. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Stay. Stay for your daughters sake.
    urban_baybee

    Answer by urban_baybee at 2:23 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I guess i just am having a really hard time rapping my mind around what you just said cause i just believe that you fall in-love and say vows not for what is on the inside but you love and honor, except your partner for who they are not for just there looks but for what is on the inside also. Personally you have came off as a sob and your one of them people that thinks your better then everyone. I believe no one is better then anyone and for the sake of your child try and make things work out. Watch what you buy and make sure when he eats your cooking it's healthy and i think you should look into some professional help for you and both of you all.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:34 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I don't believe in staying just for a child, JMO because in the long run there may be bigger issues if you're unhappy. I think you should sit down and have a heart to heart and TELL THE TRUTH, because at this point you seem like you are ready to leave if something doesn't change and maybe THE TRUTH will start some healing, physically and emotionally.

    Tell him you are not attracted to his weight and that you would like for him to care more about his body, not only for health, but for overall attraction. Let him know that the attraction being gone has kind of desensitized some emotions, etc. Or however you want to say it, but be honest, not harsh,
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:35 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • My husband and I decided before we married that the only acceptable reasons for divorce were infidelity or abuse. So for me, I would definitely stay. Seek counseling I suppose?
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:38 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • @ashley

    I think you should really be honest about how this effects you emotionally. He might just be think you feel the same but are just unattracted. If it makes you feel disgusted or like he is gross he needs to be informed that you are ready to hit the road or he won't have the chance to be serious about it, because he might not be taking you serious.

    And I understand to an extent. My SO is very physically fit, I'm flabby a bit, I'm working on it. My SO asks me to be honest about how his muscle deffinition looks and I have asked him to be honest about how he feels with the way I look. It's to keep the relationship young, exciting, sexy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • You need to open up and talk to him honestly and kindly. You might want to start by asking him "Is everything okay?"

    It sounds like you still like (and love) him so all is not lost. Sudden rapid weight gain can be a sign of depression or other health issue so you should start by doing a check on him. I would say, "Honey, are you okay? You have gained a lot of weight over the last few years and I am very worried about your health." Encourage him to see a doctor and offer to help by excersizing together and eating healthy together. You are his wife so this is the time for you to be supportive and strong for him.

    IMO you should not leave until you have tried everything possible. If you do everything you can and someone just will not care for themselves... there might come a time that you have to make that tough call. But from the sound of it... this is not that time. You hang in there.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 5:52 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Weight gain can be a sign of depression. You don't mention what the other problems are, but if there's been any personality change that can also be depression at work in him.

    Get him to the doctor. That's a matter of his health. Then see about counseling at least for yourself if he refuses to go.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:27 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

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