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My boyfriend is sending me into a deep depression, what should i do?

I've been with my boyfriend on and off for over a year. I am expecting our child at Christmas. He says he wants things to work out between us, but he says the absolute meanest things I have ever heard come out of someones mouth. And then he thinks by blaming me for making him say this stuff or by apologizing I should just forgive everything and forget it all. I can't. I really don't know what to do anymore. I miss the guy he used to be, that guy has been replaced with this disgustingly mean person. He goes back and forth about wanting me or calling me names. He says he wants this child, then says he hopes he/she dies. I don't understand him at all. All these comments sometimes are back to back. Nice then cruel. Most of the time its because I won't do exactly what he wants me to do at exactly the time he wants. I honestly feel that he is bi-polar, but his family enables him to get away with the way he treats people. Please hel

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Asked by Teressa79 at 3:38 AM on Jul. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • have him get a psychological check up.

    Answer by manifer_momma at 3:43 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Ahem.. for the safety of you and your child you cut him out of your life. Saying he hopes his own child dies is just disgusting.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 3:43 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • The easy thing would be to say leave. But that's not always the easiest thing to do. Plus your pregnant. AND, there could be other issues that you haven't even thought to list on this thing. No one should be subjected to verbal abuse (which is what it is if he's saying incredibly mean things to you). Now, giving him the benefit of the doubt (that this isnt just one sided), I would say talk to him. Let him know what you are feeling and how much his behavior hurts you. If he still claims his fame to being blameless, then it's time that you plan for a future without him. Verbal abuse is still abuse. And there's no reason why you should have to ride on his rollercoaster of cruelty just because "it's ust the way he is." You'd be enabling him just like his family is. This is a time when you've got to love yourself more and think about the future for that baby. Do what you feel is best for you and the baby.

    Answer by spartica at 3:43 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Well you need to get away far, far, far, far away from this man he is not sounding like a safe person to be around your child and when this child of yours gets old enough to understand what he or she is hearing you don't want your child to think it is alright to treat people like there father treats you. You are a better person and I don't care who the hell the person is if someone told me they hope my child dies I am so far out the door and away from this person you will not every see or hear from me ever again. What he is doing is abusing you verberally and if you think that it's not gonna get worst it will I have been there and thank goodness there was no children invovled. Protect that baby of yours and get away from him. You want someone that is gonna love and respect you and treat you like a lady no a dog or a piece of dirt. GL

    Answer by raemommy at 3:48 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • He's gotten a psychological checkup, but I think he leaves just enough out to not get a real diagnosis. I sat in on the therapy session on Friday and he swore that he really wanted to work this out. But when we got home he had comments on facebook to some 25 year old girl. We had been fighting a lot, so he decided to meet other people, she was it. Then we decided to give it a try againn and he says the 2 of them are "just friends", but he lies to her about me being a part of his life and going to events with him and invites her to future events with him. To me, she is not just a friend if you find it necessary to lie about me being a part of your life. I'm in a very fast downward spiral here.

    Comment by Teressa79 (original poster) at 3:54 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • I'm definitely not saying that I have been anywhere near perfect in this relationship. The beginning part of the relationship was nothing, but lies from me. I messed up horribly about 2 years ago and have trying to rebuild my life since then. I lied to him over and over about things that would make him think less of me. I didn't want him to confuse me with the person I was back then. Everything came out in the open in January and I have been nothing but completely honest about every little detail in my life. My life has been a completely open book since then. His has done the total opposite. he hides everything and has become this incredibly mean person.

    Comment by Teressa79 (original poster) at 4:00 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • You got pregnant by a boy who did not want to have just yet, or maybe even with you at all. We all make mistakes. You choose to stay. Move on.

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 4:02 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • if anyone especially my husband said they wish my unborn child would die would be out of my life in a heart beat, do you really need to think about that one?? mean things is one thing but wishing that a baby you created together would die, well thats just heartless

    Answer by emleejanedom at 4:13 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • wel in that case forget him you have a gorgeous baby on the way, i would say nan nan nan nan na, do you really need him to be happy, you will see when you are a mom things change, you do things for you and your baby instead of him. quite dwelling in him and think how much fun you and your baby are going to have!!

    Answer by emleejanedom at 4:21 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • He sounds extremely unstable to me. He needs to get mental help, and leaving things out in the therapy session or lying to the therapist is not actually GETTING help. I think the most frightening thing is that he says he hopes the baby dies. When we were expecting, neither of us could even say the work miscarriage let alone wish something so horrible. Words like that would make me distrustful of him and how safe the baby would be in his care.

    My suggestion: Pack your bags. Put them in the car. Tell him that until he is ready to put the past behind you both, and honestly work on a healthy relationship (which is isn't doing now despite what he says) you are going to stay with your parents or get your own place. Then do it, and make him show you REAL improvements and GENUINE effort before you take him back.

    Good luck, and be careful.

    Answer by beckcorc at 6:54 AM on Jul. 11, 2010

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