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i have three children of my own and four that i rased but never adopted them leagly they are min in spirt and heartwhat would you do in this case there real mom is back now thatall the work is donr they are all married and have children of ther own who call me grandma

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Asked by jayzgrandma711 at 2:39 PM on Jul. 11, 2010 in Adoption

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Those children know who raised them and who really loved them while they were growing up. Let their children call you Grandma if that's what they want. They can come up with another name for the "real" mom, even if they use her first name. Let how they deal with the biological mother be their problem, not yours. Go about your business and have the relationship you have always had with these adult children (I am assuming all the realtionships are positive ones). God bless you for being there for them and I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 2:46 PM on Jul. 11, 2010

  • Elizabr said it very well. Let your children that you raised handle the situation. It will matter to them, however, if you appear hurt or upset, so gently go with the flow. You are grandma, of course, and your children's children may her Grandma Betty, or Betty, or Grandma Boop, or Nana, etc.

    You don't say whether the children WANT a relationship with their biological mother (not birth mom, since she didn't relinquish) but I'll assume they do. You might want to assume that they do, but they will want your approval to do so. I'm sure that you love them enough to let them pursue these relationships without guilt. Please don't think that having a relationship with her in any way reflects that your love was lacking or not enough. It's just normal that they'd be curious about her and may even want to make up for lost time. But they will not forget you and she does not replace you as you didn't replace her. You both are REAL!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:55 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Adult adoptees reunite with their birth mothers all the time. It has nothing, nothing, to do with how good their adoptive parents were or how much they love them. It is natural for them to want the connection, it is their truth.

    There is no reason why your children and your grandchildren can't love both you and their biological mother/grandmother and the more love they receive the better. Supporting  them in their relationship shows how much you love them. Be there for them because reunion is a very confusing and emotional time for them. 


    Answer by onethentwins at 3:42 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I know that in the future I will have to deal with this as we are raising 3 of our grandchildren who call us mommy & daddy. They also have contact with their mom/dad but that's a hit and miss situation. It's complicated but for the kids we accept them as part of their lives. We don't want it to ever come back on us that we stopped them from knowing their parents even though the court gave us custody.

    Answer by baconbits at 3:42 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Let the children decided what they want to call you and what they want to call her. They know you love them and reuniting with their bmom isn't a reflection of that love.

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 9:17 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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