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Please someone tell me how to handle this? Im afraid Im going to have a miscarriage!

I am 15 weeks pregnant with my third child. I already have two boys that are SO crazy! My two year old is always pushing my buttons on purpose and my four year old is ADHD and is ALWAYS into something! I try so hard to be a good mom and keep up with them but its just breaking me down! The baby that Im pregnant with now was a surprise. I was done having babys cause my two are more then a full time job as it is! Im having marital problems.. if that what you can even call it.. its like a roommate instead of a helper and best friend! I cant take the stress anymore! Im yelling and screaming all the time it makes my stomach burn! My boys just push and push and fight with each other over stupid stuff and fight with me! It seems like they are ALWAYS crying and whining and i feel so bad like im letting them down and not being appreciative of what God gave me or being the mother I should be. Please someone help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Jul. 12, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (15)
  • Is there any way you can have a "quiet time" everyday at the same time? Give them each something quiet to do so you can just relax
    kassee

    Answer by kassee at 9:56 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • You need to get a way and have some serious 'me' time. Because your husband is not really a husband from what you say, you need to seek some help from somewhere else. Do you maybe have any family that can help you?


    Do have any way to get some counseling? It might help a lot if you could just get a way for a little while and talk with someone about what 's going on in your life. A therapist is a great listener and can also give you the tools necessary to get your stress and anger under control.

    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 9:57 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I am sorry you are facing so much stress. After 12 weeks your chance of miscarriage do go down by a lot. They still happen but it is a lot more rare. I would suggest a baby sister family if you can get them for a few days. One day just for you to sleep and relax and another for a date even if it is a picnic you pack for the park. I was having the same issues with my SO and I can not tell you how much a few dates have helped. It also helps me deal with the kids better. Best of luck mama. If you need a person to vent to feel free to msg me.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:59 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Are the kids getting enough one on one time with you? They will act badly, to get SOME attention, if they can not get any positive attention. They need tons of praise when they do anything good and they need tons of hugs and kisses. Have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. Maybe you should both get some counseling. Call your local hospital for help finding a counselor. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:02 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • The ADHD can be put on meds if he isn't already. Consult a developmental pediatrician for that however. Two year olds always push buttons because they are asserting their independance and testing to see where limits are placed. Bring in some respite care services now or feel free to drop them at a mom's day out program at a church. If hubby isn't helping out then there's a communication issue between you. He is not a mind reader so you need to tell him how you feel or ask him to help out more. It's ok to let siblings work out their own issues within reason of course. Perhaps a family counsellor could help out there. You don't have to do it all. You can't do it all. ((Hugs)) because I've been there too.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:03 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I'm sorry. I know that God never gives you more than you can handle though, and when bad things happen or times are really tough, he's trying to bring you closer to him, draw closer to God and he will help you. When people go through struggle, and tragedy and times are really tough, God is just trying to bring you closer to him. To either break down your pride and the mindset that you can control everything yourself, or to make you more useable for his work and glory. In times of trouble we are never closer to God, it seems that people don't turn to him though until things get bad though, we should let him lead our lives daily. He will deliver you and be your strength if you let him. Best of luck.
    AshleyBDG

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 10:03 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I feel the same way about my husband, us being more like roommates. Try to relax and not be so hard on yourself. The above poster is right, you have made it past the worst of it. Can you afford a day or two of part time daycare for the boys or do you have a friend or relative who an take them for a couple hours once or twice a week so you can have some alone to time to rest or do something for yourself? Also look into some community mothers groups like MOMS Club www.momsclub.org where other moms in the same boat get together during the day and the kids play together so the moms can connect. If you are a working mom, see if you can still get help a night during the week and on weekends from DH or a friend or relative. Also the mothers groups while most are SAHMs they still do Moms Night Out once a month generally to blow off steam and you wouldn't be the only working mom, many stay with groups after having gone back to work.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:05 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I forgot to add a lot of churches around here put on free parents night outs and so does the local childrens hospital. Maybe call around and see if they have anything like that. Also do you go to a church? Alot of times you can find a nice lady that has empty nest sydrom and would watch your kids for a nigth every once in a while for free. Ask your pastor they will find you help.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:15 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Calm down and breath deeply.


    You NEED some time to yourself.  Talk to your husband and tell him that the constant stress is having a negative impact on your physical and mental health.


    If you can afford it, put the children into daycare one or two days a week to give you some breathing room.  Your oldest will be in school soon so it will be easier to handle the younger two.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:33 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Ok, 3 deep cleansing breaths...Iiiiiin.....oooout. How old are you children? Please keep in mind if they are little, they are not purposely out to get you, they are just being who they are..little ones. This is not to say they don't need discipline. If you have an ADHD diagnosis...is the child on meds of any kind? Are they working...should he go back and be re-evaluated? Tell you husband, if he is wanting a room mate you are not it. If he has abandoned you emotionally, then tell him to leave or you will. You can be a single parent with the benefit of child support rather than the added cost of having to pick up after his lazy butt. Get organized momma! If the kids are misbehaving, put them in time out. If they get out, put them back! Keep it up and eventually they will get they can't break you. I know you are tired. Do you have a friend to come and help you? I would look for some relief.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:57 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

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