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my step son gets on my nerves

ok i have been with my husband for 6 years when i met him his son was 5 years old. i never was around my step son much becuase his mother kept him away from his dad out of spite. fast forward 6 years....we get my step son every other weekend now, which i helped my husband fight for btw...every thing is fine, i like him being around becuase he plays with his little 4 year old brother (me and my husbands son together) farely well.
this summer we have my step son for 1 month.. this is the longest he has even been around me and he is starting to show charictaristics and behaviors that i dont like. for one he is being very competetive with my son..everything he says or does is like a fight for attention against my son.. his behavior is getting worse and worse..ive tried reasoning with him, he is 10 years old. my husbnad has also tried. its getting to the point where his presense really annoys me, where i dont like him being aroun

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Jul. 12, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (6)
  • are you going to continue?

    I think you & your DH should take turns spending alone time with your step son. Take him somewhere just the two of you & try to enjoy him. What do you expect from a boy who has not spent much time with his father, then sees his little brother who is ALWAYS with his father. Of course he is going to compete. Don't let it get on yoru nerves, he can probably sense that & it probably maks it worse.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:13 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I agree with samurai...take him to have "dates" alone with no little brother. I have an almost 10 year old and a 3 year old. They compete to do everything (not necessarily for our attention either, just competitive nature of kids). Sometimes we use it to our advantage, like when my 3 year old doesn't want to eat dinner, she sees her big brother has eaten more, she wants to beat him, and then will actually eat (she's under weight btw). But my son was the one and only for so long until my daughter came along. We sensed jealousy fairly quickly. He wasn't competitive tho, he was just very emotional. We started having a few days a month where one or both of us did something with him alone, with no little sister tagging along. It made a world of difference.


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 10:23 AM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Great advice samurai, I was thinking the same thing when I read the post...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:52 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • i dont think you guys are being sympathetic to the situation that she is in
    she sees her own son being picked on by the older son, how is that fare? she said she helped fight for her husband to have visitation rights and liked her step son being around at first
    think about both sides not just one

    Answer by shyysmom at 4:03 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Maybe you answered your own question: He is fighting for your attention. Have you tried giving him some extra attention? I know you said you have tried to reason w/him but reasoning w/him may or may not work. Maybe you can give him a bit more attention, he is probably trying to fight for your attention and/your husbands attention.

    Answer by cat4458 at 6:12 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Being 10 years old is hard under normal circumstances, but being in an environment that you are not accustomed to makes it even more difficult. Set rules, and expectations but do it with kindness and by being an example. I like what some other posters have said and agree that one on one time with each child is always a good idea when there is more than one child in the home anyway. I am sure this is the beginning of many battles you will need to tackle, and how you manage this will set the stage for what is to come. Good luck.

    Answer by Maggiemae4 at 9:53 AM on Jul. 17, 2010

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