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TOO complicated...

ok. Some people may think this is a stupid question.. Here's the deal: I am currently living with my "boyfriend" who is my new baby's father. I haven't been in an emotional relationship with him for about a year (half the time we have been together). He isn't right for me AT ALL. We have always been on different intelligent levels. He dropped out of high school in 9th grade, and I'm in college. He has a temper but has never hit me (I feel like it's more emotionally abuse)I hate his parents because they are literally insane (meds and everything), but that's a whole different story. He "loves" me I know but he was never shown what "love" is... so, whatever love means to him in his head is how he feels about me. Basically, I've tried to leave him so many times, but I always end up feeling sorry for him and I worry about my little girl... so my question is.. HOW do I leave? or SHOULD I leave? My main concern is my baby.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Jul. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • It sounds to me like this is a pretty unhealthy situation. If your first concern is your daughter and you do not feel like this is a good place to be, you should leave.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 12:06 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Here is a question for you...What type of relationship would you want your DD to live with? Do you want her to 'settle' for what she can get or would you rather her know what a true LOVING relationship is? what you teach her to live with is how she will view what a relationship should be like.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:07 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Your baby will be find if you and your "boyfriend" stay "friends" and treat each other with respect as parents of your daughter. That would be SO weird to be living with someone you had no feelings for.
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 12:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • You can leave and your baby can still have a relationship with her father. If it's not a loving and emotionally healthy place why drag it out longer. It doesn't sound like you even want to be with him, it's just that he's around so he'll do. If he has the problems you describe your better off making a stable home for yourself and your dd so she knows not everyone is "emotionally abusive" like her father. If he has a temper with you he'll have one with her eventually.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 12:10 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • OP here: I'm worried if I leave, that he'll fight for custody. I would have to move back home with my parents until I'm out of school... I don't want to lose her.. and it makes it even more complicated that I don't want him to take her around his parents.. there is just SO much to it. How much trouble would I get in if I just moved to a different state without telling him??
    NikkiNehring

    Answer by NikkiNehring at 12:19 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Unless he can prove that you are an unfit mother (hard to do), the most he can get is joint custody which simply means that you have to agree on how she is raised (co-parenting). In most states, visitation rights are seperate from custody so having joint custody doesn't mean that he gets her 50% of the time.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:24 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Ok... I am kind of torn with this... I understand that it is hard to have a relationship with an "idiot" - but I hope you are not basing part of your opinion towards this on his IQ. I don't think thats fair or right. My SO is EXTREMELY book smart and in college. I dropped out in the 11th grade and got my GED. I am not as book smart, but i'm street smart. We level eachother out and teach eachother things we don't know. We actually found the good in my, well, stupidity. At times it makes me feel awful, like when we watch jeopardy and he gets them all right and I get them all wrong. It weighs on my self worth and when that happens, I can be emotionally mean to my SO. I really don't think you should just walk out. These problems can be fixed... honestly if you are hanging this "who's smarter" thing up, of course he is going to lash out at you, its all he can do. But if you are just done, then your done.... JMO - Good luck!
    allfiller

    Answer by allfiller at 12:29 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • My son's father was not right for me but I stayed with him at least 6 months longer than I should have because I "felt bad" Eventually you just have to stop feeling bad and end things. It's not a good situation.
    yezay

    Answer by yezay at 12:36 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

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