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What to do about my sister and her not so good boyfriend.

My sister is 21 years old. She seems to fall for the worst guys she can find. The latest guy is 30, 5 kids and does not have custody of them, has no car and no license. I just did a little background check on him because something seemed off about him and turns out he has a record for home invasion and possession of cocaine and weed. I do not want this person over my house and she keeps asking to bring him over. How do I approach this? I'm worried that if I say something it might piss him off and who knows what will happen. My sister is out of control and no matter what we say she makes the worst choices. Any advice would help.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jul. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Unfortunately all you really can do, is protect yourself and your family. Your sister is a grown woman and has to learn these things for herself. She will likely dig in her heels more the more you protest! Tell her she is welcome, but the boyfriend is expressly prohibited.

    I would just continue to repeat what you discovered about her boyfriend and state clearly that you will NOT allow him into your home because you have a right to feel safe in your home, and you don't trust him (for good reason!!). And if she brings him anyway, do NOT let them inside.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 2:44 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I agree she will have to learn things on her own. as hard as that is for you i am sure. If she really wants you to meet him how about going out to lunch or someplace so he wont be at your house but you are meeting him?

    Answer by JacobsMommy05 at 3:05 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I would just be honest with her. I'd say something like, "Sis, I love you and care about you and am here for you. I am protective of family. YOU are my family. But I have other family members I have to protect as well. I just can't have someone in my home with a history of drugs, violence, and illegal activity. If you choose to hang out with the guy, I certainly can't stop you (though I wish I could), but I do not want that kind of influence around my children. I'm sorry." If she REALLY wants you to meet him, you could always go meet him by yourself in some public place.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 3:52 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • Be honest. Your house, your rules. Tell her your thoughts. Tell her you love her, but don't want that element in your home. He will need to slowly earn your trust. Sadly, the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

    Answer by salexander at 4:43 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

  • I'd be honest with her. My sister is engaged to a guy that has made some serious moves on me, and I have told her every time. Every time he's lied about it and she's believed him. I finally just told her I didn't want him around me or my children. She got mad but oh well. You need to protect your home and kids first, and worry about her feelings after that. If she's truly out of control, nothing you or anyone else can say or do will help her until she realizes things for herself.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 5:11 PM on Jul. 12, 2010

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