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3 Bumps

I MIGHT FEEL WRONG...

IS IT WRONG TO TELL PEOPLE I HAVE 7 CHILDREN , BUT I REALLY HAVE 6 ? I MEAN I HAVE HAD 7 BUT ONE PASSED AND HAVE ALWAYS INCLUDED THAT CHILD WHENEVER I AM ASKED HOW MANY KIDS I GOT BUT I THINK IT IS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON ?! MY BABY DIED 13 YEARS AGO AND I FEEL ASHAMED THAT I "LIE" BUT THEN I FEEL GUILTY IF I SAY I HAVE 6 LIKE I AM JUST LETTING HER GO BUT YET I HATE EXPLIANING WHEN SOMEONE SAYS WELL I ONLY SEE 6 KIDS .....ETC?!!!!!!

I AM NOT SURE HOW TO LET GO IT'S LIKE I FEEL GUILTY THAT MY BABY DIED BUT YET I DIDN'T DO IT? HOW CAN I " LET GO " ? SHOULD I LET GO? SHOULD I KEEP HER INCLUDED THE WAY I ALWAYS HAVE OR IS IT TIME TO MOVE ON?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Health

Answers (8)
  • She's still your child...so I would include her, but would say, I have 6 children and one in heaven.
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 12:49 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • AWWW! That's something I would actually do.
    randerykah

    Answer by randerykah at 12:49 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • You do whatever feels right for you. Sorry about your loss.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • ditto. . . don't feel wrong or guilty. . .she is still your baby no matter if she has passed. . .
    Kirs

    Answer by Kirs at 12:51 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • If you need to, you should see a counsilor. Your issue isn't about what other people think of your answer (frankly it is none of their business). But you need to decide for yourself how to answer.

    I can see why you wouldn't want to mention the baby that died all of the time since mentioning it will inherently bring up a lot of painful nosey questions.

    If it were me, I would determine your "need to know" basis:
    For people that need to know (or genuinely care - not casual conversationalist), I would say "I have 6 living children and 1 that died as a baby"
    For people that do not need to know I would, say "I have 6 childen" and would think to myself "and one in heaven (wink)"... like it is our special secret.

    Use your judgment and take care of yourself first.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 12:55 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • you have seven. regardless if one is still with us. even if it has been years. that child will always be yours. my MIL says she has 8 when she really only has 5 that made it to term.
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 12:58 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I've birthed 5. When I'm asked, I'll sometimes say 4, sometimes I'll say 5 - it depends who it is and if I'm in the mood for the "why" questions/explaining why I'm only raising 4 when I say 5. And actually, if I'm in the mood to say 5, instead of saying "I have 5 kids" I'll say "I've birthed 5" and see where it goes from there. I have no problem saying "I have 4 kids" to some people who really don't need to know about my firstborn.
    4time-mom

    Answer by 4time-mom at 1:35 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Sorry about your loss! I lost the only 2 pregnancies I have ever had. So it feels a bit awkward when people ask if I have any children. The answer for me is always 'No' simply because I don't think others would understand how I feel and I also don't feel like explaining why I think I'm a mother. I understand how you feel. For you...I would say "I have 6 children and 1 in heaven".
    PinkDaisey13

    Answer by PinkDaisey13 at 3:24 AM on Aug. 31, 2010

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