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2 Bumps

what do you do when ur husband doesnt want to try anymore?

my dh loves me. but tonight i tried to talk to him abt us both leaving a dispute happy.. finding away where we both feel happy. we have been together 8 yrs. he doesnt care abt hearing me out. his response was that im telling him what to say. and i always have demands.. this afternoon he wanted to have friend come over. i admit i freaked out bc my house was mess and i wanted to take a shower. i asked if next time i could get some notice. he said u always have stipulations.isnt our job as spouses to try to make the other happy..i think he has given up. i dont want to leave. i want to be married to him. when its bad its bad. when its good its great.. every word that comes out of mouth annoys him..i feel like the only way i can get a response is by giving him the slient treatment. WHAT does one do when only one wants to try? he is civil to me but god forbid i ask him for anything. The only solution i have is to be slient

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Silence its the answer. If he isn't talking to you best believe he is talking to someone else. When you talk to him give him 'HONEY' Ham it up at first and talk about some of the memoriable good times and then go into talking about your problems, or need or want. Never stop talking, never ever.
    randerykah

    Answer by randerykah at 1:55 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Honestly not talking could lead to bigger issues. . . Even if he doesn't want to hear it you need to tell him how you feel. If you lose communications you can lose what you have all together. . .
    Kirs

    Answer by Kirs at 1:59 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • You know, I am getting so tired of dealing with toxic people in my life, that my advice would probably be something you don't want to do. But if it was me I would tell my husband that I am done. That the street goes both ways and if he can't do his part, then there's the door!

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:06 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Men and women communicate differently. The more you talk about him doing whats wrong the less he wants to talk or interact with you. Do you give him any positive feedback? They need it just as much as we do. Counseling will help to bring out the real issues and possibly get both of you to see that there are some things that could be improved in the relationship.
    lawmom27

    Answer by lawmom27 at 2:07 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Honestly.

    It doesn't sound to me that he doesn't want to try.. It sounds like the two of you have really bad communication. Neither one of you seem to be able to communicate well with the other, and neither one of you seems to be able to actually listen and comprehend what the other is communicating.

    That doesn't have to be the end of a marriage.. It's just a wake up call that something has to give and change. The best way to go about that change and improve your relationship overall.. Is learning how to communicate with one another effective manner. The first step to that is learning and understanding one another's communication style.. The second step is learning how to communicate without getting over emotional or defensive. The third step is learning how to actually listen to and understand what the other is sharing.

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:36 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I agree with pixie that it doesn't sound like he's given up. Maybe just tired. Here is something my husband and I do that seems to work. We get upset with each other or fight. Instead of dwelling on it we make a point to get back to us. We watch a movie together, talk about other things, have sex, whatever until we feel close again. Once that feeling comes back, we have a talk about the issue we had. He tells me how he feels I listen. I tell him how I feel he listens. We both try to learn from it. The conversation goes much better because we are bonded and feel good about each other. I do not believe in the silent treatment. It only creates more issues. It is just passive agressive and continues the fight in a silent fashion. No one is perfect and we all have different views on things. So we are bound to disagree and fight. But it is most important what you do after the disagreement then anything.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:39 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Compromise. Tell him to let you know when you are doing what annoys him so you can check yourself and likewise you can do the same for him. I think you were reasonable to ask for a warning about company but I wouldn't have freaked out over it. Sometimes the best visits are spur of the moment visits even if you don't get a shower in. Just roll with things and see how that works.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:05 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

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