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She's almost 5 and and has fits when I leave for work ... what can I do?

Storm will be 5 in September. She's pretty advanced for her age but has a crying fit when I leave for work. I've promised rewards for big girl behavior when it's time for me to leave. I've withheld her after work treat when I get home if she cries when I leave in the morning. I've even taken her to work once to show her where I go, what I do and that I'll be home after work. I even let her call me at work so we can check in with each other. All to no avail. Nothing bad or changed in her life. When I ask her why she's crying when I leave she says ... "I love you too much!" And cries harder. I've run out of ideas. I'm willing to try just about anything right now because it breaks my heart. Anyone?

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Tantheria

Asked by Tantheria at 4:59 AM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • How long have you been working? It seems it's just a phase and it too will pass. Some ideas are: buy her a special doll that she has to take care of while you're gone, so she feels important too, talking to the person watching her, making sure they're watching her properly and doing fun stuff, and maybe spending extra time with her when you get off work and before work so she is getting more time with you.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 5:35 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I think she is young enough that a reward system/removal of or withholding of incentive needs to be much more immediate....I would have whoever looks after her when you are gone reward her immediately after you leave for good behaviour....the after work treat shouldn't even come into play...since its you leaving that she finds hard to cope with, I would make her after work treat something not edible or tangible, but YOUR time....maybe make it a tradition to colour a page in a colouring book with her as soon as you get home, or if it's a nice day to go to the park....the park is a hard one though because it's weather dependant....as she gets older you can start having her put happy faces on a calendar for a job well done and if she gets 4 happy faces in a week, she gets movie night on friday nights or something....but i would definitely make the reward time with you as opposed to a treat. Good luck. I went through this too!
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 6:36 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • You are right. Your daughter is smart and it appears that she is manipulating you. My son used to do this. He would cry he wanted me and his child care provider would be like "Oh, you poor thing, you love your mom" etc. I had them stop. Once he realized he wasn't getting the attention from them, or me for acting this way, it stoppped. It took less than a week.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:05 AM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Manipulation is powerful - if you let it be. Give it no attention, it'll pass.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 7:50 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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