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2 Bumps

so confused..angry...mad at my lack of self esteem..

so i have my husband, he has ADHD and i think bipolar, he snaps on me super easily, my DD was at grandma's for the night, and im pregnant with baby number 2, and i got mad and tried to explain why what he did upset /hurt me, was being nice about it 2, and well long story short he pushed me did the whole behind the neck choke move slapped me shoved me on the couch threatened to hit me his exact words where. .. to shut my mouth before he snaps my neck, he slapped my face and pushed my head and made my jaw pop and hurt, and im sore and idk how he could do this to a pregnant woman.. its not the first and prob not the last and i tried to tell my parents and we rent from them and all they cared about was the rent getting paid (i dont work right now) and no help just told me i should just watch what i say and that to worry about their bill money.. i feel so lost im 20 weeks pregnant

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I would leave him. That's not ADHD or Bi-polar disorder that is just plain abuse. There is no excuse for him to put his hands on you whether he's mentally ill or not. I would go to your moms too. Sorry, you probably hear this alot, and it's probably hard to leave someone you think you love, but your life and your children's lives are worth more than his.

    Why make him a priority when you are merely an option for him. Get out while you still can.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 12:24 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • YOU SHOULD NOT TOLERATE THIS FROM ANYONE FOR ANY REASON! Get out honey! Call your local Domestic Violence Shelter if you have to! I would tell my parents rather than worrying about their rent money, they should worry about how to bury their daughter and grandchildren if they truly expect me to stay! This is absolutely unexcusable for your husband! And your parents should be standing up for you!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • When he does that, you need to call the police & have him taken out of the house. Then, the VERY next day, go to court, file a restraining order & a temporary full custody order for your child & he cannot return. Divorce him, make him pay child support 7 alimony & you should be fine financially. Why do you stay? Why do you say that this will probably happen again? Do you want to raise your children in this environment? If you have boys, do you want your boys to mimic your DH's behavior & do the same to their wives when they get older? Don't blame the ADHD or Bi-Polar, those are just lame excuses for his ill behavior.It's not just about you, it's about your kids. You need to find a way to leave this situation. Don't know who you are, but i will be praying for you.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I am sorry you're going through this, specially with being pregnant. I know you are here seeking advice, and I think you know yoursel this is not a good situation to be in. The other ladies are right, you need to find the strenght for you and your children and your unborn baby to get out of the situation you are in now. Again I am sorry, you shouldn't have to go through anything like this at anytime, and I am sorry your parents are more worried about the money, please look for support else where in your community and remove yourself and your children from the situation. good luck.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:39 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Do NOT blame the ADHD-my DH is ADHD and would NEVER put a hand on me. Also my neighbor is bi-polar and he can get mad...but he would NEVER put a hand on is wife. Do as others have said and contact a shelter for women, or other group for help. You have to get out now. You don't want to wait for a "next time" to do something bc it truly could be the last time, for you or the baby. If your family will not help you, find a shelter, church, or friend who will help.
    Carajust

    Answer by Carajust at 12:41 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Mental illness might be a reason for his behavior, but it's not an excuse. What is happening there is abuse. It's not safe for you, your child or your unborn child and it only enables DH to continue this behavior.

    Open up the phone book. Call a women's shelter. You don't have to go there if you don't want to, but they can at least give you some of your options. Or you can google and get a toll free number.

    There ARE services available to help you. It's not abandoning DH to set boundaries regarding appropriate behavior. It's being an adult and being a parent. If you simply don't feel like you can leave for YOURSELF then do it for your children. They deserve better. You do too. But sometimes, it's easier to draw strength to do the right thing when you feel like you're doing it for someone else. Good luck. Stay safe.
    BuddyRoo

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 1:19 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Those disorders may be behind the abuse, but they are not an excuse for abuse. If your parents wont support you then find someone who will and get out of that relationship before you can't.
    yezay

    Answer by yezay at 2:17 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I would say get to a women's shelter and tell your parents that if your abusive husband is more important to them than you and your children are, then they're welcome to him. Then I would say get a divorce and a restraining order and sue him for child support. But first things first, GET OUT OF THERE!! You won't be able to protect your children from his abuse if he actually does snap your neck.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 8:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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