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how do i get my boyfriend to mature up for this baby on the way?

so, honestly, i can't lie. my boyfriends 21 years old and he is anything but mature. our first child is on her way, and will be here in october. but my boyfriend is still all about the partying, he drinks all the time. when we are alone he will in very short words say he is excited about the baby but he never talks about the baby first, he doesnt want to ever suggest anything about her before i do, he doesnt seem excited at all until i ask 'are you even excited?' then when were around other people he jokes around about how he loves getting drunk and this baby isnt going to change anything and he just acts like he could care less that were about to have a child together. is this something i should be concerned about, how he doesnt seem as excited as me? or should i just assume hes afraid and once the baby comes things will change? any advice to help me calm down and not worry that i'm not in this alone?

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Asked by aliciamarie1012 at 1:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (152 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • What he says now is what he intends. No i would not assume that he is going to change. You need to talk to him about this now and know where you and your baby stand. Best of luck.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 1:49 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I've been in the same situation with my oldest son's bio dad, I got pregnant young and knew I had to grow up fast...he didn't. That ended up bringing the end of our relationship. I am not sure if there's anything you can do to "make" him more mature. The acknowledgment and knowing that he has a child on the way should be more than enough to want to change and make things better and to make himself a better person for this child. Ultimately if he doesn't meet your standars of a father or a partner for you after the baby comes you will have to make a decision about your relationship. Good luck and congratulations on the baby!

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • No, a baby won't change him unless he wants to change. A lesson I had to learn the hard way... Now, 9 years later my DD's sperm donor has been absent for 8 1/2 years, has 2 other children he doesn't support, and is an alcoholic.

    Sorry, I hate to tell you, but your best chance of coming out on top, is to worry about you and your baby, and forget about him. You can't force someone to change.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 1:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • when i was pregnant with our first my boyfriend (now husband) was the same way. there is nothing you can really say or do that will change him. it's going to be a long road for you and this baby. it took my husband a long time to realize what his priorities were. it took me leaving him and taking our dd with me and not talking to him for 6 months. when he realized i really didnt need him and neither did she if he was going to act like a child, he manned up. it took him not being around us to realize how much he did want us around.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 1:53 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • It sounds to me like he's afraid and is trying to cover up his fears by making jokes and keeping his life as "normal" as possible.

    There is a good chance that he'll smarten up when your baby is born. There's also a chance that he's just a total douche bag who really does value partying and drinking over his own child.

    You need to sit down with him and talk about it. Tell him how you're feeling and tell him about your own fears of becoming a mother. Try not to point fingers or accuse him of anything. Guys tend to get defensive easily(in my experience).
    Let him know that this is a major thing happening in both of your lives and that you want to feel like you're not alone. It's ok to need that extra assurance when you're pregnant. This is the biggest thing that will ever happen to you.

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:54 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • still all about the partying, he drinks all the time
    loves getting drunk and this baby isnt going to change anything ......concern

    he doesnt seem as excited as me.....typical, will not be as excited as woman

    men are immature beings at best, and a man who is only 21 is even more immature than a man who is double that
    you may have a very difficult time having the father of your child immature in mind and age

    wish you the best

    **try to complament him on what a great dad he will be =responsible, caring, loving, mature..blah blah blah=because sometimes people live up to what you expect of them=he may surprise you if you expect more he MAY deliver, if you expect him to be a shit, he may give you that too

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • My SO was 23 when I got pregnant, still playing in his metal band, partying all the time. He always talked about being excited about the baby and he would rub my belly and talk about how he would turn into a great dad once the baby came, and honestly I thought he was full of it. I just knew he was still going to be out drinking and partying and I would be home alone with the baby. But I was more than wrong he is a wonderful father, and has totally quit partying all together. He works very hard for my son and I. But still manages to do things with my son and myself.
    But if your SO is saying that the baby wont change him, it probably wont. I hate to say this, but you may end up being a single mom sooner rather than later. I would have a long serious talk with him. I wish you all the luck in the world though :) I hope everything turns out the way you want it.

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 1:56 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Why did you get pregnant by a man who behaves so immaturely and irresponsibly in the first place? Having a baby isn't going to make him change his ways. He's not going to grow up. Best of luck to you, it sounds like you're going to need it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • haha, anonymous your comment just made me laugh. it isn't like i was out looking for anyone to knock me up. we have been together for almost five years. and he isn't always imaturely like this. before we got pregnant though he didn't drink that much and now he seems like he wants to go out every weekend and get drunk. i am just asking for advice on if anyone elses sig other was like this with their first child, or if anyone thinks he might just be scared, like i think?

    Comment by aliciamarie1012 (original poster) at 3:55 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • well, you could suggest counseling to him-
    maybe daddy boot camp?

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:58 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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