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I'm going to pull my hair out. I'm so tired of dealing with things that AREN'T MY PROBLEM! language here...

I need advice. Or nice words. Or encouragement. My mom is a lazy bitch who thinks I should give her money just because she doesn't think she should have to work. She blackmails and threatens if I refuse. I am 22, married, and I'm responsible for doing everything around the house, taking care of our 3 kids, and keeping track of our appointments and bills. I am responsible for keeping track of bills at another home because I'm my sisters payee and she lives there. To top that off, I am expected to be able to keep groceries in my own home, my moms home, and my sisters home. All of these things are on my shoulders with an income of $1800/month. Between the kids, our car being screwed up, our rent, my sisters bills and buying food, we're in the -. I swear, I'm going to scream, tie a cinder block to my ankle and jump in a lake. Ughhhhh!!!! I'm tired of being the only one to act grown up!

Answer Question

Asked by GothicMommy3 at 3:13 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Health

Level 10 (394 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Whoa whoa whoa! Why again are you having to pay for them? ....Just because they need an income or what? your sister's payee? Is there any legal obligation that you hold to be supporting them or is this out of the kindness of your heart?

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 3:20 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • what is she blackmailing you with?
    she shouldn't be allowed to threaten you -

    I'd see about a lawyer- I know it's family and shouldn't come to this, but all to often it does.
    don't be a victim in all of this-

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Make your sister move in with you. tell your mom you will help her out for ONE month while she finds a job and then thats it and she is on her own

    Answer by JacyB at 3:25 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I can definitely see why you are frustrated. You have A LOT on your plate right now. I don't quite understand the circumstances though so I don't know how much advice or suggestions I can give. Exactly why are you taking care of your Mom's groceries ~ is she handicapped or have health problems ~ because anything short of that she should be doing her own shopping & paying for it. What does she blackmail & threaten you about? You are under her thumb as long as you give in to her blackmail & threats. Does your sister have income ~ because you should be using her income to pay for her groceries and her bills...and like JacyB says...if at all possible move her in with you. Another option, since your mom doesn't work, why can't your sister live with her and she take care of your sister's bills/food. I know I'm not much help...but there are so many unanswered questions.

    Answer by 7blessings at 3:28 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • There must be a reason you are being held the payee for your sister and not your mom.
    I do commend you for being so young and having so much on your plate! is there a support group or some sort like parents anon you can go to and vent?
    call the untied way and see what kind of support you can get. I'm sure of your needs but the untied way is a good start. I don't blame you for being at your wits end!! anybody would!! find a way to stand up to your mother, tell her if she can't take care of herself you will just put her into an attsisted living place because you have enough to deal with for your family and your sister. You can pay a visit to her DR to find out how to get her an asst. living place..I'm serious! you shouldn't have to take care of your mom if she is going to be abusive, which it sounds like she just migght be on an emotional level.

    It will get better and it the mean time it is good to vent!!

    Answer by togo90210 at 3:31 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • My mom is just a bitch and uses my 11 year old sister against me. My mom and that sister live in one place, my mom runs out of money from her ssi, she expects me or her other kids to pick up the slack. Mainly me, though. And I can't see my sister do without. She guilt trips me that they have no food and I'm a bitch if I let my sister do without. I am my 15 year old sisters payee, so I do have an obligation to make sure bills are paid where she's living. She lives with our brother and her fiance at my dads. Her fiance works, but my oldest brother doesn't so I have to make sure she's provided for there ($630 is her money). But when everyone runs short, my husband is expected to pick up the slack. My brothers kids are here for the summer so I'm expected to be able to feed 12 people (sis, sis fiance, brother, his 2 kids, my 3 kids, myself, husband, mom and 11 year old sis), and keep bills paid in 2 homes. I'm going to snap.

    Comment by GothicMommy3 (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • OMG, are you serious? U poor thing. THAT IS TOTAL BS. They can buy their won groceries and take care of themselves. Tell your Mom to go get her lazy ass to Welfare if she does not want to work, U HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR family first before them . TELL them NO MORE coming their way. Switch your phone number, etc.... Reminds me of PRECIOUS without the physical abuse, but you are getting mental abuse. I so feel for you. I am here for you..

    Answer by MamaKelly45 at 3:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I'm my 15 year old sisters payee because she was in trouble and my mom "couldn't handle her" anymore. So I took her. Then she (sister) decided she didn't like my rules and moved in with my brother. She's pregnant and getting married in October as per my moms agreement. So I'm tired of trying to give help where it's not wanted.
    My mom tells me she'll kick my brother and sister out of our dads if we don't give her money. My brother has his 2 kids here and my sister is pregnant. We don't have room for anyone else here at home so that's not an option. If I let my mom kick them out, they're screwed.
    And my mom is in great health. She's only 47 and has no disabilities or limitations. She just says "she's worked hard and deserves to be taken care of now". She refuses to look for a job.

    Comment by GothicMommy3 (original poster) at 3:38 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Thank you so much MamaKelly and everyone else with kind words. I'm not having a very good day as you guys can see. I just want to go far away, scream and cry and kick something. Pretty good idea for someone who just said they're tired of acting like the only grown up, huh?

    Comment by GothicMommy3 (original poster) at 3:41 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • In light of all that you have cleared up for me, I think you ought to take care of your husband, yourself and your 3 kids and NO more. You are being jerked around. Your 15 year old sister got herself into the mess she is because she doesn't want to follow rules. Let her be responsible for herself. The ONLY one I feel for is your 11 year old sister ~ she is the only innocent one here. If you mom runs out of food, invite the 11 year old sister to your house to eat with your family...let the rest fend for themselves...they will soon learn that in order to eat they have to budget!

    Answer by 7blessings at 3:56 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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