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3 Bumps

Do you REALLY think you can "control" a teenager and keep them from having sex?

It drives me CRAZY how some people think they can keep their teenagers from having sex! I'm not saying you have to condone it, that's up to you. But unless you are going to be with them 24/7/365, if they want to do it they will find a way.

Why is it that any teenager who has a baby didn't have enough supervision or it's somehow the parent's fault? The teen is old enough to understand the cause-effect relationship AND they're old enough to find ways around mom and dad's rules to get what they want.

 
Ati_13

Asked by Ati_13 at 4:35 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
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Answers (17)
  • HAHAHA!! Nope, I know better. I had one of those uber controlling moms who thought she could control what we did, so we just snuck around or did it while we were at school - or supposed to be at school... We aren't even trying to stop our kids from having sex! I don't see a point, plus, I don't believe denying ourselves is a good thing. Instead I prefer to impress the importance of protection and knowing your partner...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:51 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Well, my husband and I did. It required us to be totally involved in our children's lives but we were able to do that without our children resenting us or rebelling against us. They were all virgins when they married and they did not marry young at all. They are each with mates who were also virgins when they married, so it is possible. It does mean that as parents, you will be inconvenienced and you will be going places that may not be your first choice. It doesn't mean that you don't allow your children to have friends and learn how to function in life. We simply believed that it was part of our job to protect them from all the emotional, psychological and physical consequences of being allowed to make decisions before they were prepared to do so. Teenagers are still children. Granted, they are growing out of childhood into adulthood, but they aren't there yet and thus need the guidance of their parents. Glad we did
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Nope, I don't think that at all. Alll a parent can really do is teach them to the best of their ability and hope for the best outcome.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:37 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • YOu can help by eliminating some of the temptations. Too little supervision IS an issue... because it leads to too much temptation. Now if they want to have sex they will find a time and place. But there are many girls who would not have had sex so young had they not had soooo much freedom.  Also strong role models, a good relationship with parents, and strong long term life goals helps.  A child will do what a child will do... if they want it that bad they will lie and cheat to find a way.  But it is a parents obligation to do all they can to help a child grow into an adult with out the emotional complications that having sex too early can bring.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 4:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Nope. You can't. You do what you can. You raise them to think and stand up for themselves and do the right thing. And if they trust you and love you and want to, then they do it. If they dont want to then they dont. It is silly for people to say "I would never LET my teen.." because that really isnt within your power. You can tell them not to, you can try and stop them, but that doesnt mean that they wont do it.
    JacyB

    Answer by JacyB at 4:37 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Just as an observation, when I was going to school almost no one was having sex. The ones who were tried very hard to keep it hush hush. Fear of my parents reaction if they ever found out, fear of social repercussions in school and frankly fear of disease kept me nice and virginal till I moved out.

    What is it parents are/aren't doing today that our parents did?
    Xynyth

    Answer by Xynyth at 4:43 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • My parents certainly made it very hard for me to have sex as a teenager. I had a curfew that I knew I had better stick by and they had to know the who, what, where, and when. I still ended up losing my virginity at 18 but I had gotten more freedom by then. My parents had also told me sex was for marriage and had no problems talking about sex with me or answering any questions I had.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 4:48 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • nope not control them but hopefully send them in the right direction, Teach them about all forms of birth control & hope they make the right decision to wait. Thats all you can really do
    MidnightKarma

    Answer by MidnightKarma at 4:39 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I told my sons no glove no love and they talk to me about when they need condoms. Controling them no keeping them safe and discussing the ramifications of sex.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:45 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • No, I don't believe that but I do know many teenagers, and I was one, who actually listen to their parents when they are told no sex while you're living in my house and you're still a teen. Obviously some teens are so sure they know more than their parents and go out and have sex because they want to. But I don't think the vast majority are mature enough to be having sex anyway not to mention have the ability to grasp any part of the cause and effect of what can happen. As for why the parents are blamed, many times it falls back to lack of parenting. Not every time but many times. I've seen it more than I care to count. Parents are too busy with their own lives and don't pay attention to what their teenagers are doing or where they are when they are not at home. Saying that teenagers will do what they are going to do sounds too much like a parent giving up.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:47 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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