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How do other moms handle tween's talking back?

I have a 9 year old girl who has a horrible attitude right now. I am divorced but her step dad has been in the picture since she has been 20 months old. We have a 2 year old boy and since then her attitude has been rude, mean ........any advice?


Asked by erikamcc at 5:13 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (21 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Don't let her draw you into an argument. You can get your point accross to her without engaging. Stay calm. When she says something rude or mean let there be a consequence. You can have an immediate consequence, or it can come later. Say, for instance she says something rude. You ignore it at that moment, and then you decide to go for ice cream or whatever she might want to do. When she assumes she is coming too, say, "Oh, what a bummer. I know you'd like to come, but I need to relax with people who speak to me in a respectful way." Then, leave her home while you go. Obviously, you need to have arranged someone to stay with her, but make sure it is no fun for her. Another thing you can do is when she asks you to do something for her say, "Oh, I wish I could, but I am just too tired. It really wears me out when people say mean/rude things to me. Maybe you can do something nice to help me feel better."


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 5:30 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • What do you do when she does this? I sent my ss's to their rooms (where there wasn't a TV) when they decided to talk back. I would also not do something they wanted when their alone time was done. "Can yout take me to Ryan's house" ME: "No, I'm mean, remember" Or "Can I have....?" ME; "No, this house sucks, remember"

    I've also said "I'm going to count to three, you better be out of this room before I get there" Then I would calmly say ONE. TWO .... THREE It got to the point that all I had to say was ONE. they knew they had crossed the line and would be out of the room before I even got to TWO. The important thing is to no have much of a reaction to what they say, just stress that their attitude was wrong.

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:19 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • We spanked our children for disobedience and for disrespect. In some instances, they got spanked by me and then again by Dad when he got home. One of those offences was being disrespectful to Mom. I handled it as best I could and they knew that when Dad got home, they would answer to him. As the children got older, they did not dread receiving discipline at my hands, but they for sure did not like Dad having to get involved. Our home was one where Dad was the ultimate authority and I acted only as his stand-in until he got home. It worked very well for us. There were only rare instances of a mouth gone wild. Our youngest son who is now 32, just recently recounted to me the last time he was spanked by his dad. He said he was about 13, and he made the mistake of talking back to his father. He said he got what he deserved and he was glad his dad loved him enough to do it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:24 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I think the best thing you can do is continue to remind her that she is the child and you are the parent and try to correct her behavior by telling her she will have consequences for the things she says or the way she acts, and just being consistent. I have a 9 year old as well as a 14 and 13 year old and 14 year old and it's a constant reminder in my household about what roles everyone plays in the house, I don't think this will ever stop, good luck!


    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 5:16 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I have a 10 year old and she is going through the same thing. We got her when she was 5 years old and her behavior was so much better then. We tell her all the time that we love her and that she is the child and we are the parents. I hope this just a phase they are going through and that it won't last long.

    Answer by k.k.909 at 5:20 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Kids talk back when they are older because they were allowed to talk back when they were younger. I have seen so many parents ignore small children talking back, or else thinking its cute because they are so young. It becomes very un-cute the closer they get to being a teenager.

    Answer by 5isenoughforme at 5:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • She wants attention. Take her on a girls day out, or stay home and do girly things every once in a while. Shes going to argue with you, thats normal, if she gives you an attitude that over the line, punish her. Take stuff away, privelages, tell her to go to her room and come out when she knows what she did wrong lol.

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 10:38 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • the cornor

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 10:56 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Some times we do things that we don't want to do but we as parents we have to step up and hold the tween accountable for their actions behaviorand such. when I sent my daughter to bed early she hated it no TV lights out go to sleep she said you are mean  she calls out for me to come in the room and wanted to talk about it I told her that we will talk tomorrow it is in her best interest to go to sleep, then she text ed me then I went in there again and took her cell phone away then she went to sleep.... Next morning  we talked she had to earn her cell phone back and ask for things to watch TV if she can drink this or that or what snacks she can have.

    If they don't like you at the time of  disaplain then you are doing your job. Hang in there.


    Answer by paurad at 11:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • its hard but I try to not even get in the arguement...sometimes thats exactly what they are looking for. I keep a calm but firm voice.

    Answer by batjmom at 7:03 AM on Jul. 14, 2010