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does you SO help with the kids enough?

I am a firm believer in both parents actively taking care of the children. Me and SO have a 2yr old and a 10 month old and I am about 8 months pregnant with our last. when he was unemployed he would help out some, not that much, but enough to keep me sane. Now that he is working again, 40hrs weekly, he barely helps. He just watches me do everything! occasionally he will make me a bottle, like once or twice a week! He wont change a poop diaper and rarely changes a pee one. My youngest makes it very hard for me to clean when she is awake, she will hang on me and whatnot, and all SO does is call her, but takes no action into actually helping. I'm going nuts! I need a break but he isnt willing to give me any sort of help unless we have someone else watch the kids! I'm scared for when I will have our 3rd child! Any suggestions and does your SO help out with the kids?

 
SabrenaLeigh

Asked by SabrenaLeigh at 8:00 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • no suggestions. my hubby does not help with housework or the kids. nada so i feel your pain but don't have any suggestions.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:02 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • My dh helps with everything. He bathes them, puts them to bed, feeds them and doesn't complain when I go out on my own (even if its meeting friends for dinner or grocery shopping) When he's alone with them he does a great job, but when I'm home, he tends to let me a lot of the work. I just tell what I need, right when I need it. I don't expect him to notice what I need because he's not that observant, but if I tell him "hey, can you make the kids dinner while I bathe them?" He will help. I am a SAHM and he works, but I "work" the same amount of hours he does, so when we're both home its 50/50. I don't expect him to do major cleaning, but he does contribute to keeping the house orderly on the weekends and childcare falls on both of us.
    Mom_2_cuties

    Answer by Mom_2_cuties at 8:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • My ex husband wouldn't help out as much as I would have liked. He did in the very beginning but after the first two weeks he stopped getting up throughout the night with the baby because "I have to work in the morning"...because raising a child and caring for it and cleaning a house and preparing meals and everything else that we moms do in a day isn't "work" and we don't need sleep at all.

    Now that we're separated he's around even less. He basically comes over to play with the kids and then leaves without doing any actual parenting.

    Have you talked to your SO about how you're feeling and ask him for extra help? Maybe take a few days to go away without him and the kids so he can get a small taste of what you do every day.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 8:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • No help here either. My DH works till about 8pm so kids are just about in bed and my housework is already done, he is great at doing the yardwork!
    bootiecall

    Answer by bootiecall at 8:05 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I am a SAHM, it is my job to take care of the house and kids. he works 12-18 hours a day and I do not expect anything but the lawn mowed from him. Now spending time with his kids yes is his responsibility but he does what he can and I am not going to tell him how to spend time with them. Diapers, sorry I do them because I usually notice them before he does. Bottles, I make them up ahead of time so they are in the fridge and just need warmed up. I know it is hard, I have a 3 week old and doing things with a young one on your butt isn't easy.
    carmadsmom

    Answer by carmadsmom at 8:07 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • no he doesn't help out at all.
    reesemom

    Answer by reesemom at 8:08 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I have a hubby that does what he wants, when he wants, if he wants. So when I cant anymore I call him to a room and before he can leave, I do. I either hide in the house somewhere or just go out. When i return he usually has an understanding of what Ive been through and im refreshed.
    H2BPREGO

    Answer by H2BPREGO at 8:10 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I have told him about it. He apologizes but makes no effort to help more. I wont take a few days to go away from my kids because I am literally worried about their wellbeing if i'm not there. He hasnt taken care of them by himself for more than 30 mins if one or both are asleep and 10 mins if they are both awake, and they are usually crying when I get back. one day he let me sleep in but didnt feed our oldest breakfast because he didnt know what to feed her!!! He has NEVER given either child a bath, and hasnt changed a poop diaper in 4 months!
    SabrenaLeigh

    Comment by SabrenaLeigh (original poster) at 8:11 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • yes i work outside our home so he really doesn't have much choice, do what you gotta do.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 8:29 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • We both work from home, so taking care of our child is done about 50/50 and housework is 75/25. We both pitch in and do what has to be done. We both have to go into and office 1 day a week and today was my day. I cam home to a fairly clean kitchen (we just moved in) and I had to do bath tonight which is his normal responsibility. We share it and I know that the house won't fall down around them while I am gone. We also have a 2nd child that we watch 3 nights a week and she was here when I got home tonight. Both kids were alive, fed, changed and my house didn't look like a tornado hit it. You have to let him take the reins even if it is leaving him to his own with the kids for more than 10 mins. You need a break as well.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 8:46 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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