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I'm 21 yrs old and my bf wants to have a baby with me and I don't know what to do

and I kind of want one but I'm scared to have one. I still live at home with my mother and I'm going to school online, but no job yet. I asked her how she would feel if I was to be pregnant right now and her response was that she would be upset and I wouldn't be able to finish school properly and that I don't have a job either to support it even though I'd be willing to get one and also said that if I was pregnant all my freedom would be taken away from me even thought I don't party or anything anyways. I don't know what to do and my bf wants to have one with me soon but I'm scared :(

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Etsuna

Asked by Etsuna at 10:09 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • well if u dont want too tell him what you are feeling, trust me i feel for that now i have 2 kids and a dead beat baby daddy and i dident get to do any of my goals or dreams in life! If i were u i would wait
    DeeMarie87

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 10:12 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I would first and foremost not have a child without a ring on my finger. Maybe a little old-fashioned but that is me I guess. Second, you need to have a job to support your family, and last, you need to have your own home so your mother doesn't end up taking care of your child for you. You are having a child of your own, not a sibling...
    HuskerMommy08

    Answer by HuskerMommy08 at 10:12 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Are you engaged getting married, living in the same home, financially stable, if not might not be the best plan. Tell him you need to be married first because if he does get you pregnant and does not marry you, then you are looking forward to a LOT of Heartache.
    jagrus

    Answer by jagrus at 10:14 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • First of all, don't have a baby with someone to whom you are not married yet. I think that's just the wise thing to do. Second of all, I had my son when I was 20 and I was married and he was not planned. I love him more than anything but it does change things more than you know. I was in college when I had him and it has been a struggle to get through although my family and husband are very supportive. My advice is to wait until you're out of the house, married, and hopefully have a job or some type of degree. Good luck and I'll pray for you!
    Momincollege23

    Answer by Momincollege23 at 10:14 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Tell your BF when he respects you enough to put a ring on your finger & commit to you in marriage, then you'll consider children & not until. Why even entertain the idea when you aren't even through school, have no job & are still living with your mom? Has he completed school so he can properly provide for you & a family? Does he have a good job? The fact that you are asking this question on a site like this, shows that you are nowhere near ready for a child. Tell him you pass & you'd be wise to NOT put yourself in a position of accidentally getting pregnant.
    ghostwriter777

    Answer by ghostwriter777 at 10:15 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • i too am 21 only im married now my husband and i are tring to have ababy now..we both have lost are jobs and had to move back in with his mom ..and i am tryin to get my GED and my mother to is against me have ababy right now..as all parents she just wants the best ..like i'm sure your mom does. if i was you i'd talk to your boyfriend though and weigh the pros and cons of havin ababy right now..can u see ur selfs bein togather for the rest of your lifes and if you can..then havin ababy wouldn't be that hard to do
    lostangel08

    Answer by lostangel08 at 10:16 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • You don't sound ready to me. Having a baby is a HUGE thing, and if you can wait until you're completely ready, do it. You sound way too iffy to make such a lifelong decision. There is no rush. You can wait to have one, but once you do, that's it. You can't put it back up there, lol.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:17 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • I agree with girls above. And Honey, at 21, there is a lot of life and YOURSELF to discover. There is plenty of time to have babies. At 21 I know the life I was living and I am glad I waited until I was 30. Chances are you won't be with that guy a decade from now. Honestly, I am not even the same person I was at 21. Live for you, NEVER live for a man. Only you can make yourself happy. And yes, if you are living at home with mama and going to school, she is right. Mama typically does know best. Go to school, get a job, experience life. Because a baby is forever and only puts your life on hold. I love my babies and am fortunate I can be a SAHM and we can afford that. Yes, you can have babies without being married, but if you aren't even out on your own and taking care of yourself you shouldn't let any guy talk you into having a person to care for.
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 10:18 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Even if you are not financially stable, or if you are still going to school, or if you are not yet married... when you are ready, you will know. You won't question it.
    sarah_smile

    Answer by sarah_smile at 10:21 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • wait till your married and living w/ your husband. tell him to wait till he can give you that. And even then wait till your ready. For me I wanted to be married for at least a yr before trying to get pregnant. And then we waited a couple yrs till I was out of the Army Reserves(I didn't want the threat of getting activated when I had children. We married at 20 & 21. He would have liked to start having kids right away but I didn't till I was ready and he was fine w/ that. Had our first child when I was 25. I'm 32 now and we have 3 children.
    Lynette

    Answer by Lynette at 10:42 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

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