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What do I do if my son is out of my control and his father refuses to take him?

I am writing about my 14 year old son.For starters he has epilepsy and takes medication nightly to keep his seizures from recurring.He has begun running away,smoking cigarettes and marijuana,hes jumped out of my car twice and he torments my 6 year old daughter and I.3 weeks ago he was admitted to a psychiatric hospital that sent him home with the following diagnosis:bipolar disorder,oppositional defiant disorder,conduct disorder,depression,and A.D.H.D. He was there for 6 days.The day he was discharged,he went home with his father(we havent been together sense my son was 2).I found out that he smoked marijuana that day.And the following day he stole cigarettes and a bong from someone that lives around fis dads house.I got him back and he disappeared from 8 p.m until 1 a.m.I called the police.This happened several more times.I brought bim back to the E.R and they said its defiance.His dad wants 2 drop him off but he will run...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Jul. 13, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • If your son was diagnosed with Bipolar - did they prescribe medicine, and a referral to a regular psychiatrist or counselor?
    I have Bipolar and its very hard to manage with out both medication and therapy. Bipolar can be trigger by childhood trauma and its also hereditary. I don't much about OPD - my nephew has this and it isa battle, didn't go to school, start smoking pot, drinking & running away. He was removed from his mother because she was allowed it. I wouldn't suggest having dad take him, for one seems dad allows the behavior. People with bipolar can suffer from severe depression adding abandonment or rejection to his arsenal of thoughts for his depression is not going to be helpful. The drinking and smoking is a either sign of escapism from depression or a manic episode where he's feeling grandiose and invincible. My first suggestion is get him on meds to help with the bipolar and get him to a therapist.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:40 PM on Jul. 13, 2010

  • Ok so i am going to try and be nice about this because I feel bad for the child, and a bit for you. First and for most no matter what he is your child. I along with many other single moms or even married moms go through some really tough times with their kids. You never give up on your child, I dont care how bad they may be acting even if they have some type of mental problem. So your going to pass your "burden" on to the dad. You need to get therapy for your child, and yourself to learn to deal with him. Im sorry but your his mom, act like it please. Its so easy to say I throw in the towel, but seriously that just wrong on all levels. I am going through some really hard things with my child right now, but I would never give up on them and send them to their fathers. But then again, I guess thats just me. IDK.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 1:55 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • It does not sound like this women has given up but rather is scared, frustrated, and perhaps a bit angry with Dad for not supporting her. Sending our children to another parent, family member, or in severe cases a hosptial, can in some situations be beneficial for all. However, if the parent you wish to send your child to has demonstrated an inability or unwillingness to support the child sending him/her to this parent is of course not a good decision. The decision to have the child live else where does excuse parents from continuing to be there for the kid. Another consideration is the other children in the home...their emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Parents who are struggling need to seek out support from their community. We do have free educational classes and support groups for parents in many communities. We education parents of toddlers; why not parents of teens???
    jackrussellann

    Answer by jackrussellann at 1:19 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I agree with jackrussellann - I wasn't trying to insinuate she was trying to give up on her, but rather that this is how her son will feel. I'm sorry if I came off differently, dealing with Bipolar myself I know what its like to look back on every detail in your life during a downward spiral and come up with reasons of why people don't love you or want you or care about you, even if the notion is completely false. OP you're son may be nothing like this and I apologize if I've offended you in anyway. The situation is so complex and I'm sure its very very hard for you and your family. Bipolar with OPD has to be agnozing for your child as well. I do hope you can seek out counseling whether he goes to his fathers or not - I really think he needs help out side of the home as well.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:47 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • ugh.... Protect your Daughter first..Send her to live with her dad till you figure out how to help your son!
    sillyme85

    Answer by sillyme85 at 7:55 AM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • To:sillyme85...while I appreciate your answering my question I can not let my daughter live with her father,the reason we are divorced is because he has a drug addiction that he cant control.
    jordan28

    Answer by jordan28 at 12:24 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

  • If the hospital did not arrange to transfer care to an outpatient psychiatrist for your son's follow-up, I would do so immediately. With epilepsy and his mental health issues, his needs are complicated and varied and only a psychiatrist will be able to help you medically manage these issues. His office may also be able to offer some counseling services for your son, yourself and perhaps your extended family (including your ex) to come together and support your son's diagnoses and his recovery from self-medication. You need to be strong with him and in order to do that for the long-term, be sure to surround yourself with people who can support you.

    Take care and I am hoping for the best.
    Miss2fied

    Answer by Miss2fied at 10:38 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

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