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2 Bumps

does my husband want me to work? would it make us happier?

When we met I was in the military and so was he.(he still is)I am a sahm now, I do the job , the house is clean, I make homemade dinners, our kid is bright etc. I started going to college online and I have kept a 4.0 and have a career plan for down the line, but it seems that this is not what he wants. He does not respect or appreciate the work a housewife does,he seems to think the house stays this clean magically lol. He has said things like your job is hard but is it really THAT hard or that he does not feel it is 50/50.I feel unappreciated and that I am never good enough now.He has mentioned missing that independent,strong woman he fell in love with.Do you think me working and pulling income would fix this problem? Do you think it needs to be outside the home or at home work?If I did at home work do you think he would still not appreciate it since I was sitting at home not outside the home like he does?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I don't think that would help. My DH claims his job is harder.. no matter what I'm doing. I've worked.. I've stayed home.. I've had babies.. and it's all harder on him! I think that asking for him to more appreciative will work better. Ask him to change a load of laundry.. then tell him.. I've done three of those today, when he's finished. Sometimes it just doesn't get through their head that we're not sitting on our butts all day long.. and we get about the same amount of a break as they do!
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 7:02 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I think appreciation works both ways. Sometimes men feel the same way. They have the full financial responsibility of the family, which can be pretty demanding these days. When both work and share household, family, and financial responsibilities it can make a stronger marriage. You appreciate each other more because your sharing it all.
    A major factor in this is.....IF YOU DECIDE TO "ALSO" WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME , HE MUST SHARE THE SAME RESPONSBILITY FOR HOUSEHOLD AND FAMILY!!!!!!!!
    Rnurse

    Answer by Rnurse at 7:22 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • well from what i see it takes a very strong (old fashioned at that) kind of man that still believes in being the care taker of the house. i have the same problem as you and i work part time already. but the problem is not you being out of work, the problem is you being out of money. i hear a lot of women, myself included say that their hubby isnt happy with being the sole provider for the family. but hey just like rnurse said if he decided that you should be ay work too, then that means no more slacking off at home for him either. if you pay bills like he does then he needs to cook and clean up like you do.
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 7:51 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Oh boy, been there, done that! Is he ready and willing to step up and do 50% of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, raising the kids, etc? If not, could you afford to hire a cleaning lady and/or grocery delivery service and/or babysitter and so on? Don't want to generalize but many husbands say they'll emotionally support you with the decision to work outside the home but emotional nothing, we need REAL help, not a pat on the back with empty promises. That seems to be the part they just don't "get".

    I would suggest sitting him down and having a real discussion re: the topic because the last thing you want it to go back to work and still carry 100% of the burden on the homefront. And BTW, working outside the home is not what makes a woman strong and independent ... not sure why he would say that unless it was an attempt to sway things his way. Good luck.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 7:52 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • It will not make you happier and it won't make him happier, so it will not make your marriage happier. If he wants to see the independent, strong woman he married, show her to him, but you don't have to do it by going out and finding a job. Make some plans for a week-end away, maybe with family, maybe some girlfriends. Pick one when he is going to be free. Leave the child with him, and go off and have a relaxing time. By the time you get home, he may have just changed his mind about how hard your job is.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:11 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • i would leave his but at home with the kids for the weekend and come home and nag about how the house isnt as spotless as you left it..ask him if it was "easy" Don't worry, i accuse my dh of the same thing. I feel like my dh is money hungry all the time. When we first started talking i was still dancing. i always tell him that the only reason he wanted to be with me is because he wanted a sugar mama but now the tables have turned and he is my sugar daddy and he resents it. He laughs when i say that but sometimes i really think that.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:27 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

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