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How should I do this?

I've been been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and 2 weeks ago, he asked if he could meet my son. Earlier in the relationship he said he felt we should wait til we got to that point in the relationship before he meets him and I agreed. well my son is 15 months and he suggested we take him to the zoo. he's been under tremendous stress lately with a job situation so it hasn't come up since he asked to meet him. so i fugure not to push it, but im not sure when i should bring it up if at all? The second part to my question is, my son has a lot of anxiety when it comes to strangers/new people. im afraid if my son screams when he does see him it may ruin it...hes a great guy and i dont want my son to be afraid of him from the beginning then never give my boyfriend a chance...any suggestions on how i can help my son not be so afraid of new people and how to bring up him meeting my son? Thanks ladies :)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Jut tell him that you would like to take your son to the zoo and want to know if he would like to come along. Then when you meet up there, treat your BF like a friend so that your son gets to know him as mommy's friend first. It may take some time before you can be openly expressive with each other in front of your son.

    I've been there. Thankfully, my DD liked my SO otherwise we wouldn't be together. She comes first. She's 3 so it was a little different. It still took about 3 weeks of seeing him a couple times a week for her to decide if she liked him. Once we reached that point, we could be affectionate in front of her.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:59 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Meet the guy at the zoo and just talk like friends. Don't let him touch the child until the child goes to him. Don't let the child see him touching you until the child is comfortable with him. It may take time but the more he sees the man the more he'll build up comfort being around him. A lot of children are afraid of strangers. Take baby steps and let him adjust
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:00 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • If you get a good vibe from this guy, I would introduce him to your baby slowly, not go out the first time they meet, give the baby a chance to get acquainted then go for the outing. I would also wait for him to ask again.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:01 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • 3 months isn't really that long so I wouldn't bring it up unless he does. Do you want him to meet your son? That's your decision. You can tell your boyfriend about your son's fear so he has a heads up and don't worry about your son ruining it because if an adult takes a little kid's fear that personal you don't want him around any way.

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:02 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Have your BF bring him a nice shiny present that he can open. This works on every child. Everyone LOVES the bearer of gifts.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:09 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You need to meet in a place where your son can be distracted. The zoo is a great idea. Also, the park is another wonderful place. You may want to have someone else he knows, besides you, when your boyfriend does meet him. This might help distract your son. You also need to warn your boyfriend. Let him know how your son reacts to people and that he should not be offended. Let your boyfriend know that it will take a few times for your son to relax around him, and you all just need to be patient. As far as bringing it up, ask him what he thinks about going to the park with the both of you. Come up with a time, preferably after his nap, that would be good for everyone. Hopefully all will go well.Give your son some time. If he still doesn't come around after several attempts, you need to follow your son's cues. Kids are the best choice of character. If he does not like your boyfriend, it is for a specific reason.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 10:51 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Explain the stranger anxiety thing to your bf. Kids go through that stage, so it isn't anything personal. He is just realizing this is someone he doesn't know. It's a good thing actually, even if they do get a tad clingy. Talk to the bf first and let him know it is a very strong possibility that your son will react that way to him at first, but he needs to be patient and give your child his space. Let the child warm up to him. It will happen. But respect your child's feelings. Don't force it.

    Instead of the zoo, you may want to make it for something shorter--like maybe playtime in the park or something. Make sure your son has had a nap and isn't cranky and over stimulated or hyped up on sugar. That will help too.

    Good luck! I hope they hit it off and become fast buddies!!
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 11:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I have to agree with the PP. Make sure your BF understands that he can't take your son's reaction personally. Also, a neutral meeting place is a good idea. McDonald's is a thought--that way your son can meet your BF, have a treat & play in a safe environment.
    bocamom62

    Answer by bocamom62 at 8:28 AM on Jul. 16, 2010

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