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Is a woman an unfit mother in the coutr's eyes if she lives with a man that is not her husband whether she is or not marraid or seperated from her husband?

I just got told that since I am a woman and living with my fiance ( "boyfriend" in the courts eye) with my children I will be judged as an unfit mother. Yes, I am married. I am about to go to court for a divorce. We have been separated for 4 years now. He has a child on the way and I have another child out of the marriage. But since my child lives with me, the person said it does not matter what the father is doing, it will only matter what I am doing. How is that if he is fighting for domicile also?? I'm a little nervous about this.. is this true??

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midnight11287

Asked by midnight11287 at 10:33 AM on Jul. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (870 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Not certain, but you need to call your lawyer asap!
    ShelbysHope

    Answer by ShelbysHope at 10:34 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • No, it is not. And changing the situation NOW will not help, since there is so much history, it will only make you look "guilty". If your ex is seeking an adjustment of custody/visitation, then he will be scrutinized as well. They are only interested in what is best for the child, and abrupt changes in living situations when the child is well cared for, not experiencing abuse, etc. are frowned upon.

    You would have to do a lot more than live with a man to be considered unfit. Even when a case of abuse/neglect is FOUNDED, most of the time the children remain in the home, and the parents are referred for treatment. Since you are not abusing, neglecting, or endangering your child, you are not considered unfit.

    There is one piece of info that you need to make yourself aware of, and that is whether or not your state has a morality clause- Your lawyer will discuss this with you.

    Stop worrying, listen to your attorney (:
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:39 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • That's stupid!! There are more woman living with their "boyfriend" than married now-a-days! That doesn't mean you're an unfit mother!
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:41 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • okay..."a man who is not her husband" , not "a man that is not her husband". Married. Separated.

    ANd, I think you need a good lawyer soon because the whole thing sounds too complicated ....we don't know all the details and we aren't attorneys...I don't think.
    I wish you luck....wow....really .
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:41 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Depending on what state you're in, Yes.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 10:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I was living with my boyfriend when I got primary custody of my son. Talk to your lawyer, but mine assured me that living with someone to whom I wasn't married would not prevent me from having custody, provided he was a stable person without any kind of criminal record.
    ohbladi

    Answer by ohbladi at 10:43 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • it depends on the state, the judge, and the boyfriend. If your ex requests a background check on your fiancee and he's a sex offender... well, you see where I'm going with this.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:11 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • If you are both fighting for domicile custody then the judge will decide who is the better parent. They will go by your house, your boyfriend, your income, your school district, it doesn't matter that the child lives you now it doesn't matter if you cared for your child while his/her dad partied while you were married. The judge will decide and all you can do is hope you are the one that "wins."
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:24 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • It depends on the judge. Some judges would be more offended by that than others and they have the final say in their courtroom. The judge will look at BOTH you and the father and decide who is the "better" (more stable generally) parent. When my ex and I went for modification of custody it definitely made a difference to the judge that I was remarried, buying a house, and my husband has a stable job whereas my ex was still unmarried, still renting a townhouse, had no job, etc. And my attorney definitely made it a point in the court that I had a much more "stable family life" than my ex.
    Living with someone you aren't married to won't make you unfit, as far as how it will play out in the courtroom . . . you need to speak with your attorney.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:42 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • It depends on where you live. I had a friend who seperated from her husband and moved in with another man. I think her husband was also seeing another woman but hid it from the judge. Once he found out what she was doing, he got her hauled in front the of judge who told them both there was to be no dating or cohabitating until their divorce was final. You should check with your lawyer about this.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:10 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

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