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Why? SAHM question

Let me say that I think that a SAHM does do a vauable job. I am a WFHM.

Most days I see questions from SAHM asking for validation that they work hard. Most come from comments from their DH/SO has said. If your DH/SO is saying that, do you maybe think that they really want you to have a part or full time job rather than staying home? Or maybe the thought to stay home was more yours than theirs? Otherwise, would they be making comments about the lack of work you do?

I would think that if my SO was OK with me staying home, he would never discredit the work I do.

 
Jademom07

Asked by Jademom07 at 11:34 AM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 34 (64,323 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I am a SAHM because my husband and I decided that's how it would work best before we were married. I knew how he felt about it, he knew how I felt about it - we both knew it's a difficult job. I made sure that my husband would value my contribution before we married, because I knew that's how I wanted to spend my days.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 11:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I can't speak for anyone else, but I have a wonderful husband who appreciates what I do, and we made this decision TOGETHER!!! There is no reason for me to seek validation from anyone, certainly not from strangers on the internet.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 11:37 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I don't know about other SAHM's but my day is spent cleaning and make sure the house is presentable when hubby is here. I have heard other SAHM who are lazy and don't do anything but sit around all day and husband do hint about getting a part time job
    Claudiomom

    Answer by Claudiomom at 11:40 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I agree with Bethsunshine.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 11:40 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I totally agree. I am also a wfhm and Dh totally gets it. He walks in the door and gets right to helping out around here and he does whatever he can to entertain the kids to give me a break. He ALWAYS tells me to not worry about the house, with the kids and work he knows my plate is totally filled. He's happy to help me take care of the kids and house when we get home. He is always telling people that he doesn't know how I do it....and without that support, I know I couldn't do it, no way.

    Men who don't value their wives are a-holes.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:41 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I feel that sometimes my SO makes comments about me being a sahm to put himself above me. I do know that he does want me to get a job when our son is born but at this point I dont find it possible.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 11:45 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I have never heard any hint from my husband that he wants me to get a job, but I;m busy all the time when he's at work running errands, cleaning our home, cooking meals (I make most everything from scratch), and taking care of our two year old and three month old boys. I do think that he used to underestimate how much work I actually did around the house until I got sick and our home started falling apart at the seams. Now I never taken for granted because he knows how much I really do. But I can see your point.
    GigantaursMommy

    Answer by GigantaursMommy at 11:46 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I think their comments come from a few sources. 1. A true misunderstanding of what actually gets done because a lot of things you can't see or are hardly noticable. 2. A jealousy from them not being able to stay home. 3. and frustration leading from them having expectations of you and those expectations not being met, regardless of how much you actually did do. There's a lot of other reasons but when it boils down to it communication needs to be worked on. Use phrases that have, "when you say this... I feel this..." and your SO needs to communicate his expectations and frustrations more clearly without judgement or anger.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 11:46 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • MIne likes to tease me about sittin around watchin soaps and eating bon-bons all day ( i don't even know what a bon bon is,lol). But he's just playing around when he says that stuff...if he catches me in a mood and says something..like last night...I let him have it! LOL. He will hug me and laugh. Why he thinks its so funny is beyond me. He's a truck driver so technically..he sits on his rear far more than I do in a day! LOL
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:47 AM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • We discussed it before we even conceived our son. My DH was in full agreement of me staying home. We learned that it was REALLY hard, so I got a job nannying, so I could bring my son. My DH will say from time to time, "when you get a full-time job...." It irritates me to no end. I nanny, and I do taxes during the filing season, when I have family to watch my son. He makes comments that insinuate that he works harder and it really ticks me off, but I remind him that we agreed our son would not go to daycare!
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 11:49 AM on Jul. 14, 2010