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All I need right now is some reassurance

I've been an army wife for almost 3 years now. I've been through a year long deployment so I know what its like to be the "only" parent in the picture for awhile. But for some reason I'm just not dealing well with it today. My husband is in the field til Friday. He was supposed to leave on Monday but our house old goods showed up so they let him stay and he was supposed to stay the whole week. But then yesterday they called him and told him he had to go and I was fine with that cause thats the life we live. So today I think I'm just overwhelmed. My house is full of boxes my daughters absolutely do not listen to a word I say to them. I have been trying for2 days to get them to clean their room cause I'm just tired of doing it for them and they REFUSE. I even put them in their room closed the door and made them stay in there and still nothing. I've spanked I've put them in time out and they won't do anything. And this isn't just

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lovie04256

Asked by lovie04256 at 12:02 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (174 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Op here this isn't just because my husband is gone even when he is home they do not listen to either of us. I'm about to pull out my hair. I just want to sit here and cry but I can't because their is so much tha needs to be done. Please any advice is welcomed. Please no bashing.
    lovie04256

    Comment by lovie04256 (original poster) at 12:05 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Sounds like a very stressful home right now. If punishment isn't working then perhaps it's time for love and working together. I think you and your daughters should go take a walk together, go swimming, see a movie, whatever you ladies like to do together. After that sit down together and explain that it's important to you to get your home put together and that you really need their help. Then ask them to help you with another area of the house (dusting, putting things away, whatever is age appropriate) and then all 3 of you go work on one of their rooms, work on another area of the house then do the other girl's bedroom. Many hands make light work and you'll see progress faster and will be motivated by that. :)
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 12:06 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed today. Don't sit and cry, take a deep breath, get yourself a glass of water, and relax for a few minutes.
    I understand that there is a lot to be done. And you're right - they need to do their share. No, leaving them in their room (with all their stuff) to just hang out isn't going to work, that just allows them to do whatever they want undisturbed.
    So you said that even when he's home, they don't listen. This is pretty bratty behavior. I'd say it's time for a little tough love. Get a box of trash bags and give them an option: Either they clean it or they lose it. Sure, you can help, but no pampering - they need to learn to be responsible for their own things.
    You can do it - right now, they think they're in charge. They're not. You're the parent. You'll do fine. Good luck!
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 12:13 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • That's perfect cassarah, I would suggest the exact same thing. And yes, it's okay to cry and let it all out!!! As to the "not listening", then time to take action! The house can wait, you however need to gain control, Set them down, I don't know the ages,but tell thim this is how it's going to be and if they don't comply, then this ___________is the punishment and STAND FIRM and follow through! You'll see a change pretty darn quick if you follow through. Sounds like they may be stressing too.and are picking up on your stress.
    ShelbysHope

    Answer by ShelbysHope at 12:16 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Cassarah makes great points! I understand how PCSing and unpacking and all that can be stressful and overwhelming. Rome wasn't built in a day though, so just take your time. Sounds like you could use a bit of a break. The "wives club" or family services might know someone who could babysit for you for a few hours so you can have a break or might have some activities for kids so that they could be out of the house for a bit.
    BuddyRoo

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 12:29 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Oh Mom!!! Your children could be acting out because they know the stress you are under...they also know that their father will be gone again so they may be frustrated about that ...you and your husband chose this life ,the children did not so they will feel how children feel when one parent is hardly ever around. Children, gotta love em', but they are predators, if they sense you are weak they will take advantage. Through no fault of their own, they are too young to know what they are doing they just know it feels good... You Mom being the part time single parent that you are must develop a strategy to get them to do what you need for them to do, because pulling your hair out is not a good look. ;> So take a moment to cry(privately), and get your self together. Try this since as I stated before the children had no choice in this life you and your husband have chosen allow them to make some decisions according to their ages.
    MomInc

    Answer by MomInc at 1:20 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Your kids are 3 y/o & 17 m/o. It takes a great deal of patence to handle these ages when everything is perfect and your DH is home and there aren't 95 boxes in the living room. You are stressed out because you weren't ready for DH to leave. Yes, you picked this life, but that doesn't make it any easier. (Hug!) I have a 3 y/o ONLY and there are days where making Hamburger Helper is a challenge, so if you are juggling 2 toddlers, give yourself a break! If you have to, put all those boxes in a separate area and close the door. Pull out one box at a time and put it up. Then go play with your kids. Then do another box. Then watch a movie, Then play. Eventually you'll get it all unpacked, but really, there is no hurry. If someone comes over and you are embarrassed, just TELL THEM the obvious. WE ARE STILL UNPACKING, but come on in, can I get you something to drink? Make a friend. AND If you need a shoulder, I've got 2. Good luck! :)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:05 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Thanks so much ladies I'm going to start clean tomorrow and use all of your strategies Thanks again
    lovie04256

    Comment by lovie04256 (original poster) at 3:11 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I know that I didn't go thru as long as you are, but my husband went to quanntico for 13 weeks for U S Deputy Marshall Training!! We had 3 kiids, I was working full time, and had to go thru an IRS audit!!!! I thought I was going to loose my mind, but with the help of God I mad it thru!!! After my kids were old enough to start cleaning their rooom as I showed them how, I would later find them giggling and playing and their rooms were worse than before I showed them how to do it!!! So I finally decided that it was their room and if they wanted to live that way I would just close their doors and if they started to complain about something smellig badly then all I had to say,"Well look in your room and see what all you can find that might be stinking and put it in the garbage and then if you would clean your room up it would be much better but that didn't work either so I just gave up and now that they are all moved out YAY!!
    jesussaves58

    Answer by jesussaves58 at 3:24 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

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