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How do you help a friend with a relationship issue when the person she is with is your cousin?

My Cousin who is 26 is with a girl who just turned 20. She moved a few states away from her parents to be with my cousin after not knowing him very long. Her parents just got a divorce and I think that may of had a big influence on her to move in the first place. Well she goes to school and has until October and she is done, for now. She tells me a lot that she loves him but she is not in love with him(they have been together for 2 years). She is really messed up over the issue where he left her to go over seas for 6 months (marines) as an independent contractor and make good money because he just could not find work here, and money was a big issue that they would fight about. She can not talk about it without crying. She feels that she left her family and friends to be with him and then he leaves her. I try to explain the reasoning but she just can not get over it. My cousin knows how she feels but feels like what can he do?

 
Savymom25

Asked by Savymom25 at 12:22 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (964 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Have they sat down and had a serious talk about everything and how she feels.. Communication is one of the biggest parts of a relationship. It sounds like to me that is also being a little immature about the situation too, but that is just my opinion. He is doing the right thing and even gave that up and came home to make her happy but that didn't work.
    ktlyn79s

    Answer by ktlyn79s at 1:03 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I personally think your cousin is doing the right thing because he is trying to earn a living and better himself as a person. Maybe she needs to find something to occupy her time as well. She is only twenty and she has her whole life ahead of her to do anything she sets her mind to do. He can't possibly focus on his work if she is trying to make him feel guilty for spending his time doing a job he is getting paid to do.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 12:30 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You can remain neutral in the situation but still give your opinion, stating that if you were in her shoes this is how you would feel. You can tell her she needs to really evaluate how she feels about your cousin and decide. It will only hurt your cousin more if she stays and doesn't really love him. He seems to be doing what he feels is best to support them, and I give him a lot of credit for that. I know you don't want to see either one of them hurt, but if she is really unhappy she needs to do what is best for her. Just be there for both of them and explain to them that you are there for them but are not going to take sides eitherway, if that is what you choose. Good luck that is a tough situation to be in.
    ktlyn79s

    Answer by ktlyn79s at 12:33 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Ah this is hard because I do care about both parties involved and yet I have told her if she is unhappy she needs to figure out what she wants and do it before she makes herself or my cousin hurt anymore. By the way he was supposed to be gone for a year but she was freaking out so bad that he came home after 6 months. He has been home for awhile and every time she talks about it she cries. He has gotten a very low paying job while looking to get another but nothing like what he was making over seas. I think maybe she knows the reason he came home was for her and that now he isn't making a lot of money and is unhappy about it, that is her fault so to speak. I talked to my cousin to and he just sounds like he has no idea what to do to fix her or the situation.
    Savymom25

    Comment by Savymom25 (original poster) at 12:43 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Personally he shoul let her go...so she can move back to be with her family. That will make her happy and him. As for (the middle man) just be honest with the both of them... better off get both of them together and tell them at the same time that life is too short to be miserable. They both are young and if they are meant to be then they will be. If she goes back home and he goes back overseas then they can still continue to be close friends or have a long distance relationship. Whatever may make them happy.
    mom42107

    Answer by mom42107 at 12:54 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • stay out of it
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:55 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I would simply offer her your ear and a shoulder to cry on, but I would NOT offer advice. I know this from experience! My best friend was in a relationship with my husbands brother. When things started to get rough, I thought I'd talk to her about it like it was any guy, not like it's my BIL. Well when things didn't work out between them, they both blamed me. She thought i gave her bad advice trying to choose his side. He thought I turned against him. Your best bet is to just stay out of it!
    mama2br00ke

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 3:07 PM on Jul. 15, 2010

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