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Why is this Soooooooo hard?!?!

Growing up my mother was in and out of relationships... always putting men before her kids. She finally got her head on straight and is doing well. But me, i'm all screwed up. I sabatoghed my previous marriage and left someone I probably could of have a life long love with... Now I'm in a new relationship with a good man and i'm doing the SAME exact thing, again. Sabatoghing it. I'm not happy, its all about the chase for me, just like it was for my mom. I catch them and then i'm done. The thing is, I have a daughter to think of. I've NEVER put any man before her, thats one thing i've done right. I've also only had 2 relationships since shes been born, so i'm not doing to bad. When I was with my ex, I wondered what else I could get, now, i've got something else and I start chasing my ex again. But everytime I get close, I retreat. Its like a hunt. How do I stop this? I'm tired of hurting people...


Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Jul. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think the best bet for you is to seek some professional counseling so that you can learn to identify and modify behaviors. We aren't all born with all the tools we need to be emotionally fit. We have to be taught. If you don't have sufficiently functional adults in your life modeling emotional fitness when you're a kid, you have to stock your own tool box with professional help. You recognize there's a you need to find the tools to fix it. I would also recommend sharing your concerns with your current SO so that he is aware that YOU know there's a problem and YOU are working to fix it. Sometimes, just knowing you're not alone is a huge help. He can't fix it for you--no one can. But having support as you work through issues is great.

    Answer by BuddyRoo at 12:45 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • Just my thoughts

    You want to stop the chase? Figure out what is is within you that you are missing and are chasing after. Most people who "like the chase" and aren't satisifed after they've caught their goal. Are chasing after SOMETHING. Not someone. And that something is usually something that they and only they can provide for themselves.

    If that is the case with you. My best advise is for you to start doing some long, hard, deep, HONEST sould searching. Start looking into you to find what's missing. People search outside all the time to find fulfillment of certain needs in life. And they are never satisfied, because the reality is. There are some needs in this world that we can only fill ourselves, from within ourselves. We have to search deep and honestly clear through the muck inside to find out what that TRUE inner need is. But if we are earnest and truly want to. We can find it.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:46 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • You may need to go do some personal counseling. It might help to just get the feelings out there. And while you're at it, find things in your current man that youdesire and chase after that in him. Remind yourself every day how wonderful he is and how much you love him. Maybe even play "games" to keep the chase alive?

    Good luck!

    Answer by Memigen at 12:32 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • when you find the right person it wont be like that anymore.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 12:33 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • send them my way
    i have continuinghabit of ending up with men that i find out have been lying to my face without my knowledge, until i am into relationship for years

    must say =lie to me =on my forehead
    aftert this relationship is over, i will not trust myself to be able to pick a good man, have no interest to ever get involved with a man again, my experience is that they all end up being cheating liars

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:36 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • I have that problem but I stay to myself my parents stayed married and it was horrible they stayed together for us. Now I also have commitment problems because I do not want to stay with someone and not know when to leave my parents got divorced and that was for the best. But I still have a problem with commitment.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:48 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • It really comes from low self-esteem on your part. You want to prove you are lovable to someone who seems unattainable. Once they fall in love with you, they seem flawed because you don't believe you are truly lovable. It's a catch 22 that is an endless circle. It can't change until you start taking care of yourself. You probably got this way because you felt your mother brushed you aside for her own needs. Therapy can help for sure.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:54 PM on Jul. 14, 2010

  • you need to go to counseling and stop making excuses. you are a grown woman and you chose to continue to go looking when you already have a good man. dont let your mothers issues ruin you. you can get over it if you really want to and put in the effort. good job for doing right by your daughter though

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:55 PM on Jul. 14, 2010